She is OK but I'm so upset about her having to leave her home! I know it was unsafe for my Mom at home alone, but I am totally unglued that she's had to leave her home! Why do I feel this way? I should be relieved and at peace that she is now safe. At first when AL was presented Mom refused to listen but over time, she has agreed and is OK with being there. I am not..feeling so sad she had to leave her home. Any thoughts out there?
The live in helper that my aunt and uncle have is through an agency. They are bonded and insured. You can be sure that my cousins had a thorough background check on their caregiver.
I personally have had live in help with my children when they were young, similar situation to the one I have now for my mother. I did a background check and I got her from a reputable source. About the possibility of her getting hurt here, she is paid through my PEO that provides employment service for my staff at my business (they are the employer) This is available for 1 - unlimited number of employees and anyone can avail themselves of this kind of service. They handle insurance, workers comp, liability tax withholding etc. It is very reasonably priced as well. It's about 10% of the payroll. I would highly suggest this arrangement if you don't have an umbrella insurance policy and an account to do the withholding taxes etc.. Granted, you can't just get somebody off the street, but I have gone through agencies before and had one abysmal experience. I have found that I have to go with my gut in hiring someone, that's why I don't use agencies who just send over whomever they please while telling me that they have done background checks. Agencies are just as reliable as the one who runs them, sometimes not at all.
Assisted living is great for some. It provides social interaction and help with day-in-day-out necessities like meals, transportation etc. but not everyone thrives in that situation. Some people wither when taken out of their home. Some do better. It's not one size fits all.
Whatever you do, do not visit your Mom with doom and gloom on your face. That will make her feel like something is terribly wrong and no one is telling her. As for the family home, guess because I had moved so many times, a new place is just that, another new place. Home is where the heart is.
I got someone to move in here for my mother. She is like a member of our family now. She needed a place to live and we pay her a small salary for 25 hours per week. There are also community programs like meals on wheels and a visiting caregiver service. Don't think that just because you moved your mother into AL that she has to stay there. My aunt and uncle have moved in and out twice. Once when he had a heart attack and the second time when my aunt broke her leg. There are options for most everything in life.
So if the best thing for her is the assisted living, then don't make your nice, normal, understandable and at the same time totally heart and gut-wrenching sadness a reason to undo that decision. If you did not feel sad about the home, it might be worse, because that would mean it might not have been such a good home full of good memories...
I have to tell you - the two hardest experiences of my life were selling and doing the estate sale for my mom's/my childhood home and having her move into hospice, being with her to the end, and I'm not entirely sure the latter was as much harder as you would think it should have been.