Moving 80 yr. old father from Texas to Washington, I need help finding us a place to live that I can afford!

I suggest first talking to a social worker about the options for your Dad if he is moved to WA. He may qualify for an Elder Waiver, which helps subsidize seniors to "stay in the community" -- fancy talk for being cared for at home by a caregiver.

I think only Medicaid can pay for in-home family caregivers, but from what I've read over the years on this forum, it's minimum wage and never FT hours. Your Dad would need to qualify medically (as requiring LTC) and financially for him to have his facility care paid for. It doesn't pay for AL or MC. Like AlvaDeer pointed out, there's a 5-yr "lookback" period on the app if "gifting" is suspected, and this would delay or disqualify him from this assistance.

A needy elderly Dad living with a young couple, with financial and time stresses, and loss of privacy and free time, is not way to be married. Your Dad will need his half of his home sale proceeds to pay for his care. An option for your sister would be to move out to a group home, unless she is very disabled, and if she is, why isn't she in LTC on Medicaid? Why does he think divorce is expensive? It may be less expensive than remaining married and robbing himself of good care options.

"Luckily, our cultural backgrounds are heavy with the new generations caring for the older generations, so this is nothing new in that regard. This is what we are "supposed" to do."

No one can assume someone into a caregiving role, culture or not. This is the 21st century. There are different challenges and pressures. Female caregivers cannot afford to give up careers, relationships -- and sometimes their mental and physical health -- to tend to elders because you will be robbing your own self (and partner/spouse) of your own futures. There is almost no margin when there's not enough money. It's not something you can MacGuyver no matter how hard you try.

If your Dad is very unhealthy now, what would happen if something like a stroke disabled him and he required all-day care? What if his health tanks *and* he develops dementia? Becomes totally incontinent? Can only use a wheelchair? Sundowns? Wanders? Loses his filter and says unbelievably cruel things to you all day? These are things that actually happen to elders.

And, please read the posts on this forum from the BFs/GFs or spouses who are enduring living with their sickly, needy and sometimes also demented in-laws.

Please go into this with your current and future eyes wide open. Even if your fiancee says they are game for this arrangement now, he's not done it for a single day yet.

I wish you much clarity and wisdom, and peace in your heart as you make life-altering decisions.

Any kind of low-income government subsidized housing has a long wait-list. Once a person is approved, which can take years. the agencies are very strict about who can live there, so you and your fiance would not be able to live with him.

Most senior Living is for the elderly person going through HUD . There are always Wait Lists too . I dont know Much about Washington state . Some states may Pay you to be a caregiver But it isn't Much . You will really have to do your research and contact housing authorities . With all the Migrants that came in there isn't much for Housing right now .

Audrey, if your father’s health is stable at 80 and you are expecting only to “care for him when needed” (probably keeping a job yourself), he may not qualify for much in the way of benefits, besides any pension he gets. If you do qualify for “work as his caregiver and get paid to do this by the state”, it will be at the minimum wage and probably for very few hours a week (6 is often stated on this site).

If your local senior living has a wait list of only a year, get on it immediately! You can always drop out later. A ‘goal’ of living together is very tricky. Benefits are more limited than you may have heard. Go and visit for at least a couple of days, and check out what all this would really involve. Your father needs to find out what is available locally, while you get your ideas researched – and until you find ‘a place to live that you can afford’.

Try not to turn this into ‘an emergency’ – take your time. You were born when your father was about 50. He has had lots of time to organise his aging needs. You are not required to be the only plan he has. Best wishes in putting the brakes on!

I think that you really cannot move a senior in this manner on an "emergency basis" with little thought to what CAN be done, and to what it will mean to a young couple to actually LIVE with an aging person and all his difficulties, and with more difficulties on the horizon.
You need a ton more knowledge and a solid year of research before considering whether to take this on. This is about a life at stake, and one with a whole host of needs.

While you consider what to do I think that wherever your Dad is, if he NOW requires or fits the qualifications for need of 24/7 care, he should be in care in his own state. You and your BF should travel to him and help him with applications for Medicaid if he needs them, with getting YOU on board as his POA, with attorney visits to draw up paperwork and documentation and speak about caregiving contract. Moreover, a month or so living with him may give you a whole different perspective on your plans. You and BF need to talk honestly about what you are seeing.

This isn't something to do without a good deal of research.
You haven't done that, you admit.
Being paid as a caregiver, at BEST, means being poorly paid. Moreover Dad must qualify as an indigent adult (penniless basically) who has NOT gifted (meaning not given money to you) for at least five years, and who can prove his spending over the last 5 years didn't include gifting. Moreover he has to be qualified MEDICALLY with your state's legal definitions. And even then you are paid VERY very little. His qualifications in his own state won't work or transport to yours.
Acting as POA is an education in itself.

Your post says to me here that you have not taken the time to know what you need to know to be capable of researching, and then moving Dad and redoing what you have already done in his state. If he is currently well enough to move himself near you and pay rent, then that is one thing. If he isn't, it's quite another. Almost impossible in fact.

So start now with a trip to see Dad.
And start by reading on this Forum what caregivers go through in attempting to give care in their own homes or to loved ones nearby. I often recommend in fact that children MOVE 1,000 miles away. Not closer.
A young marriage is VERY unlikely to survive all this, and a relationship is almost certain not to. A child should not be brought into it without FULLY understanding and having FULLY researched all you need to know.

You are an adult, so I will wish you the very very best of luck in any decisions you decide to make.
I encourage you to research your own questions until you can answer them all yourself. Start with looking up:
1. What does a POA in Washington do? (online)
See an attorney for questions.
2. Explore with Dad his assets and ability to pay if he cannot qualify for Medicaid in his state. Explore with dad his needs for care physically and mentally. Discuss privacy concerns and how often you would re-evaluate if the situation worked for all.
3. Look up elder care contracts.
4. Look up "getting paid as family caregiver in the state of Washington (there ARE residency requirements. He must be very much in NEED of care. Are you capable of it in home?
Once you know all those things, come on back.
Tell us what you learned.
Tell us how things went with Dad and his assets.

You have already got a good start by looking up the senior living qualifications, and understanding there is a waiting list.
And in any elder care? There is ALWAYS a huge long waiting list. Sometimes only to hear the words "Sorry, no". Sometimes just to get in a doctor's door.

Good luck, Audrey. You have a good a kind heart. But you need a solid strong grounding and a good head packed full of info before trying to take this on.