I have asked a similar question previously, but things have changed a bit.
After moving my Aunt to ALF in November, she was understandably confused and unsettled. I thought maybe moving her to Montana with me was a good option. Opinions were mixed.
In January her friends and my husband and I all visited her together for an intervention. Reiterate that her home has been sold and she is in her new home. She was doing much better after that. But with the quarantine and isolation her dementia has increased substantially. Now the ALF is strongly recommending I move her to memory care. The cost of this particular place is $8,000.00 a month. At that rate she will run out of money in a few years. It's much less expensive in my small town.
The problem is that she absolutely refuses to leave her (mentally ill) son. She hasn't seen him since September, but she obviously is not going to forget about him.
Her physical condition is great, but her short term memory is totally gone.
I know the answer is to move her here closer to me in a place she can afford for years. My question is how on earth do I make this happen??
I am so worried about what this will do to her already declining mental status.
I would not even consider a plane if your Aunt is anyway incontinent or disabled. Those bathrooms just about hold one person. 20 hrs is a long time on the road. At 8 hrs a day thats almost 3 days. Someone suggested an RV a while back.
It is a 2 day drive. It is definitely a question I have been asking myself too! Flying seems to be the best option. Although flying requires a layover because there are no direct flights to the airport closest to my home. That also adds to my stress! Ugh!!!
I was worried about such a major change for him and the grueling drive but we pulled it off. Loaded up the SUV with the wheelchair, snacks, water and all the elder care stuff and drove straight through. It was rough, lots of potty stops, but we made it. I don’t know how far the poster has to drive. I suppose a motel stay is possible, we thought we may have to, but it would have been tough to pull off so we just kept the pedal to the metal.
he had a pretty rough few days adjusting to the facility in Michigan but the staff was wonderful and he’s done well there. I’m glad I made the move. Until the virus I was able to see him most every day and making a 10 minute drive instead of 10 to 12 hours. He’s on hospice now, not actively dying but getting weaker and sleeping most of the time.
That's good to know about the drive!
Thanks
I think a plane is best, but you're right, I don't know how she's going to react!
Yes, she's in California.
What I would do is ask the MC in her state if they allow Medicaid after private paying for so long. Lets say they do after two years and Aunt has enough money to private pay that long. Then I would keep her where she is. If they don't, then I would consider moving her.
Are you POA? If so, and she has been declared incompetent to handle her affairs, then you decide what is best for her. Maybe allow her to go to MC where she is now. If she adjusts well, leave her. If not, then bringing her to your State won't make a difference.
Yes I am her POA.
I would not move her again. That would cause a more rapid decline.
If she is adjusted where she is work with the facility when it comes time to apply for Medicaid.