Alone for 20 to 30 minutes while she went to pick up food for my mom. Granted, my mom told her to go, however, my mom is bedbound in a diaper and cannot stop anyone from doing anything. The caretaker said what was I supposed to do? And I said, I signed her up for DoorDash left credit cards for everyone in the restaurant that you just ordered from and left my mom alone after our agreement that that was the biggest safety concern and the reason why Is m hiring you and paying you so much money, was on the list and could’ve delivered in 30 minutes. She has done other things that I do not trust. My mother finally trusting her and I don’t want to do anything that my mom is uncomfortable with. This caretaker is leaving for a month to go back to the Philippines in December. Should I just wait and replace her that time? Or if I don’t trust her from some of these little and big things do I give her two weeks and find someone new?
If any of them had to leave for whatever reason, I expect them to call me so I can come home.
If they ever left my mother alone I would fire them without hesitation, even if it put a temporary hardship on me.
when she was in a nursing home she was left for a lot longer with no one checking on her. This was true for most of the people there. I could not get them to even change her diaper. In fact it was their lack of care taking her to the bathroom that gave her the idea it’s ok to go in the diaper. I once waited 4 hours to get them to change the diaper after I asked them.
If the OP's mother is so out of it with dementia that she can't be left alone for a little while she belongs in managed care with a full, round-the-clock staff to "watch" her.
The OP is the one who is negligent and putting dementia mom at risk here by leaving one person to provide round-the-clock care seven days a week.
In above post it is noteworthy dimentia patient stated she was hungry and asked for food. And given caretaker went out and got food evidences there was not ample food in the home. Hence, caretaker may have agreed to leave when asked for 30 minutes to get food, as a great necessity if not ample food in home. Think it out.
Same happens in 24 hour memory facilities. A care facility is also NOT required to be present at bedside 24 hours/day so life doesn’t improve in facility related to “watching patient.”
Moreover, having 24 caregiver in the home is unrealistic. The person deserves breaks to leave the home. It’s the law.
No harm was done proving it was not an undo undue risk. What might have happened did not. Since caregiver chose to accept patient’s request to go nearby for a half hour to return with food, that was the safer best option for well-being of patient- food. Everyone needs to eat. Everyone needs variety.
To emotionally exaggerate a response to then claim patient needs a facility is irrational, inhumane and not making the situation safer since facilities also do not sit with a patient 24 hours a day. (Since patient is requesting food, starvation may be issue a facility can resolve. Generally dimentia patients are thin and have no appetite.)
Getting food for patient is very important. If patient is hungry and is able to speak they need food, those are very healthy and good signs patient is not in severe dimentia. The days of institutionalizing a person merely, because they have a diagnosis of dimentia are over. A more humane approach is used now. Dimentia doesn’t mean people cannot reside alone accd to my Mum’s doctor in CA depending on level of dimentia and local support later.
People with dimentia often pass away with no family knowing they have dimentia. Hence, they were not unsafe by themselves. Mild dimentia patients can still legally drive. DMV not doctors decide who drivers and DMV uses objective tests.
Mild and moderate dimentia patients walk, feed, dress, bath, themselves, garden, operate telephones and TV, microwave themselves meals, make tea/coffee with instant water machine, They are not yet “dimented.” And have their legal rights to live alone.They might have peripheral help to ensure bills are paid or to drive to grocery store,doctors. This does NOt mean they cannot reside alone safely.
I know this first hand. My Mother is moderate. Doctors give me signed document saying she is LEGALLY ABLE to make her own legal decisions. This means so she can live alone if she wants to in her own home. To place in a facility mean they do not get same amount of comfort in their surroundings (well-being), do not get to see family photos around, cannot chose their own likeable food, treated as patients not as family which degrade their feeling of independence is taken from them which negatively impacts their live.
So what if they cannot recall date, time, what happened yesterday, names, don’t their medicine (unless schizophrenia or bipolar meds. It is their body and choice without dimentia so they have thst same right with it. And it no longer matters at that age if high blood pressure, or whatever. That doesn’t make them fire/fall threat to themselves or others. Just remove oven and stove knobs if memory issues. So long as family come to replenish groceries,socialize once/week or more. Than your life isn’t uprooted either and you both keep your independence and mental health more. Train caregiver with list of dos and don’t is easier, wiser, faster.
This rush to mis-judgement agaibst caregivers who must leave to provide food which is caring for the patient, occurs much too often, so it is a great learning experiencing to others who hire caregivers but don’t provide food in the home.
There is a great reason this post is still up. It’s helpful. Just because I’ve may not like the responses doesn’t mean it should be removed because the original poster didn’t reply. He or she may be reading all the newer posts from time to time and real size error in his thinking and just learn to communicate with caregiver and provide food in the home.
Caregivers are often inexperienced. And they are less of “Care” givers and more of sitters who ensure elderly people are feed and safe. If the elderly person was complaining of hunger and you didn’t provide ample ready food thst did not requiring cooking, then caregiver may have acted in benefit if the elderly person.
instead of getting revenge with terminating caregiver, make a list of the exact rules. Often things seem obvious to you that are not obvious nor permitted.
There is a shortage of caregivers so train your caregiver rather than terminating. Again write list of your rules and obvious rules.
I know all this because we recently had a caregiver who put her iPhone into loud high pitched music that gave my Mum headache. She also left to go to get car. And she bought my Mother food at grocery story after her shift and returned with it and then later charged my Mother for her time and food that was never authorized when my Mum gets groceries for free and we went to grocery store day before so there was prepared food only needing to be microwaved.
so merely speak with the caregiver and write a list. Otherwise you may not get a caregiver when you need with them shortage.
If it occurs again, then take action. Also notify the service and send them your list obviously.
we installed a cheap $30 Blink camera or two in kitchen and living room to see if my Mum falls. This camera recorded caretaker. Invest in Blink inside camera to monitor.
The fact of the matter is that family members will complain about the aide not doing this or that, but aides are hired to help with cleaning and grocery shopping along with providing help with grooming and ADLs.
It is easier to blame the aide than to do the right thing and check to make sure there is food available for the elderly person to eat or at least leave a number of someone who can be responsible for the food and the banking.
Some caregiving companies now hire “contract” caregivers. That means it’s up to the hiring person to broke schedule and beaks. It’s a work around so the company has no liability. The caregivers then charge the caregiver a percentage. So the actual caregiver must make all decision and get all updated training rather the care fund company.
BRAVO BRAVO again for you having the intelligence and wisdom to not automatically misblame the caregiver as most ignorant assume was at fault, when they failed to realize providing food is part of being a caregiver and there is no requirment to be in presence of patient 24 hours a day, but only care for them 24 hours a day unless the contact says that.
Proving food is caring. And if bed-bound there is no safety issue and NO NEGLIGENCE.
If bed-bound they are probably already in a hospital managed care bed. So no difference between being bed-bound in home versus at managed care facility as you know.
So many people make false assumptions and conclusions. It’s wonderful this site of questions and answers exist to show and share things that others are uneducated about. It enhances the lives of all caregivers and the elderly who need them or managed care.
Some are stuck in 20th Century old misthinking about what us best for the elderly and about caregiving. They also claim “Neglect” when they have a pedestrian under staining of the law and no education nor training in law for the elderly.
You are amazing and so kind to share your first hand expert so ithers ehi never thought that the lack of prepared food in the home may have been why the dimentia patient, who poster indicated was not severely with dimentia if having an appetite and able to communicate to caregiver, went out 30 minutes not to speak to boyfriend, smoke or be on phone but yo get food for patient.
Great job. Thank you for sharing and thank you for the expert job you do enhancing the lives of patients and their families. And also for feeding those without food in home. Not everyone can self-reflect or think things out as logically as you are skilled.
The fix is easy. Communicate and make certain YOU provide premade food in home for both of them. Sign up for Meals on Wheels or another food delivery foe your Mother and Amazon food delivery for your employee/contractors caretaker as is your duty under law to provide ample, premade food; not having to make bread from scratch as an example, if it is 24 hour care.
Communicate and provide food. Problem solved.
Whoever is in charge of hiring caregiver for dementia patient (bed-bound or walking) 24/7 at home should be also responsible for setting up top-priority rule, for example under no circumstances leave the patient alone at home. In addition, give the caregiver contact number in case of unexpectancy/emergency. It may prevent some of these problems from happening again, if not all.