My 83 y/o mom has dementia and now she is adamant about my father coming to get her and remarry. My father died in 1978. At the beginning my sister and I tried to remind her of his death and her parents' death, but to no avail. What should we do? Go along with her? Reiterate regarding their deaths? She gets so very sad and even cries because she says her parents have been around and not come to see her. Please, any help will be appreciated. Thank you
If he doesn't show up, ask her where he might be, it will tell you what time period she is it.
Having dementia she most likely won't recall it and you can do it again the next time. Time is short, go with the flow... one story leads to another and you might enjoy it... you are making memories.
"Mom, you must really love Dad. Tell me something you love about him." If she says he's coming home soon and they're getting remarried, ask if she'd like a nice shampoo and hairstyle to get ready.
As to her parents - one of the ideas the trainer gave was lying. Sounds harsh, but it's actually kind. "Mom, your mom and dad called and said not to worry - they're fine, and they're sorry they haven't been able to visit. They love you so much. You must be a wonderful daughter to them. It sounds like they are very proud of you, and they want to be sure you're okay."
Philip.
In your mother's mind, and her current reality, what she's saying makes sense and IS her reality. No amount of talking or rationalization or arguing is going to change that. And if it gives her a certain amount of comfort and peace, I would just let it be.
Best of luck and warm hugs ~
Rats! ... I wish I had a rational answer for this one, but I don't. I'm sure you've told her many times he's been gone for 32 years, but it's not registering. If she believes in God, tell her that when her time comes she'll reunite with her husband in Heaven to renew her vows. In other words, go along with her.
This is one of those situations when the thin membrane between reality and fantasy becomes blurred. Her perception is her reality, and so is yours; and mine. To many of us, she's demented. To her, it might be the other way around.
In my mind, she's the damsel in distress waiting to be rescued by the love of her life from a cynical, cruel world that doesn't make sense anymore.
In a nutshell, imagine yourself in her shoes. What would you do? What would you say?
-- ED
I don't have an answer, depending on my mood I have humored her, ignored her, explained to her...nothing seems to matter.
Sorry I can't help, do know that you aren't alone in dealing with this. Perhaps someone will have an answer. Good luck
Now she insists that my friend is working as a cook in her care home,and calls her Angela,her name is Anne!
It is just very sad,and no logic will explain it.
Love to you from Jasmine.