She's not on any medication for her condition. He buys her new undies when she's incontinent. Feeds her hamburgers and sweets. When should my sister and I maybe call Adult protective services to see if they can help? He's become secretive about health, falls, illnesses.
He bullies us away.
Please help
Please call APS in your community immediately.
That doesn't include burgers and sweets (unless she is diabetic and said sweets place her in danger). It also doesn't include methods of dealing with incontinence unless the home is in a very bad and dangerous condition due to lack of hygiene.
Sure wish you good luck.
There is no reason not to call APS for a wellness check. Tell them all the information you can and I would stress DANGER, not whether or not she enjoys a burger. They will check the living situation and let you know what they find.
If I was Mom & couldn't self-care & my husband couldn't care for me.. If I could use reason, I'd want my kids to blow a whistle & get me some help.
If I was Dad & looking after my spouse with dementia, maybe little idea on that, can't cope, have always used alcohol to cope with life anyway, I may not recognise I need help - but may need help too.
They may wish to fight against old age themselves, in their private way.
It is a moral dilemma to let people have the 'right to rot' (as my Doctor put it).
Do you let them do that, or make the call? Is being together better than healthier but apart?
Because of the distance from your parents’ house, you can’t provide much hands-on help. What ‘help’ are you trying to provide, that upsets them both? Telling them what they are doing wrong clearly isn’t working well. Are you trying to get them (or either of them) to move to a facility? Have you checked it out in any detail – such as affordability? Have you discussed it with them?
Some more information would help to give you useful answers, and some type of independent view of their situation could be a good idea. What do their neighbors say? Are there other relatives you could talk to?
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