I see this same question been posted but still would like opinions from people. My boyfriend who had given up his full time job as a court clerk has been looking after his dad whom has dementia. Now that his dad has gone into a nursing home we appear no further on as my boyfriend is now looking after his elderly mum who is very capable but just won't stay on her own and feels very hard done by.
He is not only looking after his mum but the house and grounds and all the fetching and carrying - its never ending! I feel that the fact that his sister and brother have agreed for him to be willed the home is letting them off scott free but also dangling a carrot to keep him at home looking after his mum.
Its putting a strain on us as I feel he is going to keep me hanging on until his mum passes away and then there might be a promise of us getting on with our own lives. I don't see how I should have to come second best to a woman who enjoyed a long and happy marriage with her husband. My boyfriend is very laid back and just wants to keep everyone happy.
Thank you for taking the time to read and advise.
Put yourself in his Mom's shoes. The love of her life is no longer living with her, he is now in a nursing home. This isn't how they planned their retirement. She is lost, scared, and alone, even with her son being there.... it's not the same as having a spouse around.
Is his Mom really "capable"? My elderly Dad by all accounts appeared to be quite capable but he had what is called "sundowning" where he would get into his time machine and transport back to the 1940's. This would happen late afternoons or early evenings. One usually doesn't notice this unless one is with that elder 24/7.
I realize you wish your boyfriend had more time to be with you. What if this situation was reversed, and it was your parents that you were taking care of? You would be so exhausted that you wouldn't have any free time. Would you prefer that your boyfriend would be there to help you in anyway he could, or prefer that he say "good-bye" leaving you alone?
Just food for thought.
You can be there for support but I would start living my life without him. Don't tie yourself down. He hasn't committed to you so he really doesn't owe u anything.
You can can stay with him and tolerate the fact that your happiness come after Mom’s and Dad’s, or you can strike off on your own and tell him when he has time for you to let you know.
Also, how old are his parents, and both of you?