Absolutely!!..My dad is 95 and has never had any feelings for me. And that's putting it mildly..But I'm his sole caregiver since Mom died (2010).I have a sister in another state and does nothing but calls him every night..and agrees to everything he says ( solidifying her inheritance)..He treats me like crap and always has. I'm sure he has did a few underhanded things (financially) since my mom died to take away from me and give it to my sister. I'm quite sure things will blow up one day unless things change. Which I don't expect to happen. He exerated, lies and acts incompetently a majority of the time and my sister is a "gold digger." Nothing is ever enough for her and always wants more. She's "milked" a couple of husband's and now working on my dad. And he's not smart enough to realize. I need to do something before it gets to the point of no return. Any advice?
You have been posting since February 2017. All concerning Dads abuse in some way.
I don't think you will change him at this point. What you have to do is change you. Do you live with him? If no, start backing away and set boundries. Let your sister do the caring. If you live with him, need to find a way to get out. If Dad is 95, you have to be in your 60s. You can start collecting SS at 62. You can make 17k a year with a job. There are senior apts where rent is charged on scale. I think 30% of your total income. If u need to, find a clinic that has therapy on a sliding scale if u can't afford it.
You need to find out why you continue to put up with this abuse. When Dad passes, you may find out you put up with all this and get nothing. No one knows why some people love us and others don't. You may never find out in your lifetime. You need to get a life of your own and leave Dad and Sis behind.
1. Begin the process of moving out if you are living in his home. Notify him as well as any siblings that as of (example) March 1, 2020 you will move out and no longer provide care for him. And on March 1, 2020 load the last of your belongings in the car and head out.
2. Draw up a caregiver contract and he should be paying you a fair wage for the care you provide. Make it legal, have taxes taken out as well as paying into Social Security. If this is not acceptable...see option 1.
3. Suck it up, stick it out and continue your life the way it currently is for the next XX years. And be prepared for worst case scenarios if he has a fall care-giving can get a lot tougher. ..if this sounds like a version of a living h311 see option 1.
If he is not competent and you think he is being take advantage of financially you could seek Guardianship and at that point you would have more control. Guardianship is not something to be taken lightly and it can be involved.
what you haven’t internalized yet (apparently) is that this is never going to turn out the way you would like.
I strongly suggest to you that you get away from him. Realize that no matter when or how this separation between you and Dad happens.....you are going to be left out in the cold. So, leave now.
the best revenge is to live well. Go make your life, and don’t look back.