She has been brainwashing my Dad for years which became much easier for her about 15 years ago when he started becoming forgetful. My mother's mother hated her and she hated me. She transferred all of her issues on to me. At one time my Dad was very intelligent and when he started deciding she basically limited his social interaction. She cut him off from me entirely. Anyway, he thinks he's lost without her. She literally ran his life. Now he's gotten more forgetful and very angry and verbally and emotionally abusive. I came to live with him. Have worked my tail off in this house and the more I do the more critical he becomes. It's extremely hurtful. A few nights ago he went on and on yelling at me and accusing me of asinine things. It scared me. My door is really hard to lock but I got it locked and I think he tried to come in. When he couldn't open the door he knocked the shoe holder down which sounded like a body hitting the floor. He also used to love dogs and now he does not. I have 2 small dogs who were rescues. He makes them stay in a cage which they hate. They feel like they're being punished. He has tantrums. I don't know what to expect next.
He leaves messes that he expects me to pick up. He's extremely paranoid which I am not sure if it's because of the mean thoughts he has or just his decline. I've done caregiver work for years but it's different with him because of living with him and because he's so comfortable taking out all of his anger on me. I don't know what to do.
Q2 why don't you leave?
Whoever's fault it was and whatever the history, you'd had nothing to do with your father for however long. Certainly you'd had no contact with him during the earlier stages of his decline; plus there's whatever he's been through during those years; plus he's now lost his wife, who had become his mainstay. You moved in with the best of intentions but it was ill-advised - he isn't the person you remember, and it was a mistake to suppose that now the witch is dead everything is going to be roses.
What other options for his care have you looked at?
You don't owe your dad anything, especially caring for him when he is so angry and abusive. In your profile you say that your dad also have some Alzheimer's/dementia. That could contribute to some of his behaviors, but because you are too close to all this dysfunction, and have already been abused for years, there really is no good reason to remain and continue to take it. You deserve so much better! I hope you know that.
Your dad will either have to live by himself until something bad happens, or he will have to move into the appropriate facility where he will receive the care he needs, and will be around other people his own age.
And if he doesn't have the money, he will have to apply for Medicaid, as you should never pay for any of his care.
You need to get out with your dogs,(as it abuse for them to have to stay in a cage)and start living and enjoying your life, best you can. It probably would be helpful for you as well if you sought out some type of therapy, so you can work out things with your families dysfunction, and try and figure out why you still continue to tolerate abuse from your dad.
I wish you the best, and pray for God to give you the strength to do what is best for yourself.