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So sorry for your loss. He probably made up his mind that he did not want to linger into decrepitude.

This is an extremely personal decision and did not want to discuss it. He had made up his mind.

I wish you peace as you navigate your grief.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
Thank you.
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Hi, DEC. Please accept my condolences on your loss.
You posted this under depression and grief.
Can you tell me here what is your question?
Your Dad apparently chose not to burden you with his decisions for his end of life choices. He apparently was certain of the way he wishes to face this down. A lot of folks--esp the men types--make their decisions and avoid a whole lot of chatter about the matter.

What would you have done differently, if anything, had you KNOWN that your father was soon to pass of end stage kidney disease? What difference does it make now to you, in your grieving process, that you didn't know?

I hope you will tell us more. Meanwhile, again, I am sorry for your loss.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
Hello,
Thank you for the reply. It pains me to think that he knew about his disease but did not want to tell us, that he did not want to seek treatment. It pains me that he carried this knowledge alone.

Had I known, there are some phone calls that I would have returned. I would have told him that I loved him. I think I would have just been more present with him.
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So sorry for your loss. You may never fully understand dad’s reason for not sharing his condition but I’d bet it was a decision made out of concern for his family and a desire to not have possibly fruitless medical care. I wish you peace and healing
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
Thank you. I just wish that he had not carried this knowledge alone.
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I'm so sorry for this painful loss and then the shock of his CKD. May you be comforted by loving memories and receive peace in your heart that he left on his own terms.
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Reply to Geaton777
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
Thank you. Yes, he left on his own terms. Thank you for saying that. Those words have deeply resonated with me.
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I’m sorry you lost your dad. It is very likely he didn’t tell the family because he didn’t want to go on dialysis, but didn’t want it to be a point of contention, or even discussion, and drag on the inevitable. I’ve told my family no dialysis, not even temporarily, if I should ever have kidney failure.

The problem with not telling you, though, is that you couldn’t prepare yourselves (emotionally and mentally) for his loss, and have some special times of remembering and saying goodbye. It sounds like you cared about your father, and he cared for you, in his own way, by sparing you the anguish. I do hope he had his other affairs in order, if there is an estate to settle.
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Reply to ForWhatItsWorth
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
Thank you. Everything you said is very poignant and true. I think back at some things he said this past summer as if they may have been hidden clues. I just wish I could have said good bye.
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Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dad. It is never easy to lose a parent and I can imagine that learning of the serious illness he had after the fact makes it even harder to come to terms with.

Like another poster mentioned, maybe he was trying to spare you. Maybe he did not want to have to discuss going or not going on dialysis and all the painful decisions that would entail. Maybe he was tired and not able to think clearly about it, or was waiting for the right time to tell you and but passed away sooner than he had thought he would. Maybe he just loved you too much to bear having to say goodbye!

I hope loving memories of your father comfort you as you mourn his death. All the best to you.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
Maybe he just loved you too much to bear having to say goodbye!

I cannot stop crying after reading what you wrote above. Thank you.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he kept it from you guys so you wouldn’t worry or be sad and he could enjoy his time with you. Try to keep the good memories, we’re all only here for a certain amount of time. May he be the angel to watch over you during this difficult time
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Reply to Rahdeshal
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DEC1470 Jan 25, 2025
May he be the angel to watch over you during this difficult time

Thank you. I am trying very hard to believe that. Thank you.
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