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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Hi, DEC. Please accept my condolences on your loss. You posted this under depression and grief. Can you tell me here what is your question? Your Dad apparently chose not to burden you with his decisions for his end of life choices. He apparently was certain of the way he wishes to face this down. A lot of folks--esp the men types--make their decisions and avoid a whole lot of chatter about the matter.
What would you have done differently, if anything, had you KNOWN that your father was soon to pass of end stage kidney disease? What difference does it make now to you, in your grieving process, that you didn't know?
I hope you will tell us more. Meanwhile, again, I am sorry for your loss.
Hello, Thank you for the reply. It pains me to think that he knew about his disease but did not want to tell us, that he did not want to seek treatment. It pains me that he carried this knowledge alone.
Had I known, there are some phone calls that I would have returned. I would have told him that I loved him. I think I would have just been more present with him.
So sorry for your loss. You may never fully understand dad’s reason for not sharing his condition but I’d bet it was a decision made out of concern for his family and a desire to not have possibly fruitless medical care. I wish you peace and healing
I'm so sorry for this painful loss and then the shock of his CKD. May you be comforted by loving memories and receive peace in your heart that he left on his own terms.
I’m sorry you lost your dad. It is very likely he didn’t tell the family because he didn’t want to go on dialysis, but didn’t want it to be a point of contention, or even discussion, and drag on the inevitable. I’ve told my family no dialysis, not even temporarily, if I should ever have kidney failure.
The problem with not telling you, though, is that you couldn’t prepare yourselves (emotionally and mentally) for his loss, and have some special times of remembering and saying goodbye. It sounds like you cared about your father, and he cared for you, in his own way, by sparing you the anguish. I do hope he had his other affairs in order, if there is an estate to settle.
Thank you. Everything you said is very poignant and true. I think back at some things he said this past summer as if they may have been hidden clues. I just wish I could have said good bye.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dad. It is never easy to lose a parent and I can imagine that learning of the serious illness he had after the fact makes it even harder to come to terms with.
Like another poster mentioned, maybe he was trying to spare you. Maybe he did not want to have to discuss going or not going on dialysis and all the painful decisions that would entail. Maybe he was tired and not able to think clearly about it, or was waiting for the right time to tell you and but passed away sooner than he had thought he would. Maybe he just loved you too much to bear having to say goodbye!
I hope loving memories of your father comfort you as you mourn his death. All the best to you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he kept it from you guys so you wouldn’t worry or be sad and he could enjoy his time with you. Try to keep the good memories, we’re all only here for a certain amount of time. May he be the angel to watch over you during this difficult time
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This is an extremely personal decision and did not want to discuss it. He had made up his mind.
I wish you peace as you navigate your grief.
You posted this under depression and grief.
Can you tell me here what is your question?
Your Dad apparently chose not to burden you with his decisions for his end of life choices. He apparently was certain of the way he wishes to face this down. A lot of folks--esp the men types--make their decisions and avoid a whole lot of chatter about the matter.
What would you have done differently, if anything, had you KNOWN that your father was soon to pass of end stage kidney disease? What difference does it make now to you, in your grieving process, that you didn't know?
I hope you will tell us more. Meanwhile, again, I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you for the reply. It pains me to think that he knew about his disease but did not want to tell us, that he did not want to seek treatment. It pains me that he carried this knowledge alone.
Had I known, there are some phone calls that I would have returned. I would have told him that I loved him. I think I would have just been more present with him.
The problem with not telling you, though, is that you couldn’t prepare yourselves (emotionally and mentally) for his loss, and have some special times of remembering and saying goodbye. It sounds like you cared about your father, and he cared for you, in his own way, by sparing you the anguish. I do hope he had his other affairs in order, if there is an estate to settle.
Like another poster mentioned, maybe he was trying to spare you. Maybe he did not want to have to discuss going or not going on dialysis and all the painful decisions that would entail. Maybe he was tired and not able to think clearly about it, or was waiting for the right time to tell you and but passed away sooner than he had thought he would. Maybe he just loved you too much to bear having to say goodbye!
I hope loving memories of your father comfort you as you mourn his death. All the best to you.
I cannot stop crying after reading what you wrote above. Thank you.
Thank you. I am trying very hard to believe that. Thank you.