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I have a bad knee and need a replacement but he insists I pick things up for him. Like gallons of tea or milk. He wanted me to do it TODAY and all he needed were non essentials



It is 20 degrees outside and the ground is covered in ice. I am afraid I'll fall.



I said make an order for delivery and I'll put it in and they'll come tomorrow. He hung up on me



He hung up on me.

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Mary, many years ago, I sat my 88 year old mom, still living at home in an isolated suburb, down and said the hardest words I've ever uttered.

"Mom, I can't do this anymore."

"This" was rushing to her side for perceived emergencies. Affecting my job, my health and my marriage.

Mom argued with me. I was able to be empathetic, but resolute. That since SHE was the one with the needs, she was going to have to be the one who either moved, accepted outside health or suffered the consequences.

You need to find the strength to say "no" to your dad. And mean it.
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So I guess he's going to go without.

Too bad
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lkdrymom Jan 21, 2024
Exactly. He goes without
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You tell him you are not going out .

Either it gets delivered or he finds someone else to go out.

You have the upper hand here. He’s the one that will get hungry .
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First of all, the won't "let" you is ridiculous. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he has choices. The choices are make a list and have it delivered, find someone else to shop for him, or starve.
You can't haul groceries in for him anymore. So stop doing that.

Did you know that hunger can be a cure for asinine nonsense, stubbornness and ingrate, entitled behavior?

Try it. I'm telling you your father will come around to the idea of online grocery delivery if you refuse to go to the store for him.

My mother was very much like what your father sounds like. I cooked daily for her and all she did was complain. So the meals and shopping stopped and everything would stay stopped until she changed her attitude and behavior towards me.

She swallowed her pride when she got tired of living on old peanut butter and stale crackers.

Put your foot down with your father and he'll knock off the crap.
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Mary444 Jan 21, 2024
Good advice. I appreciate you BurntCaregiver and everyone here. I am sure it is frustrating to see I don't follow good advice. But I am trying.

I feel sorry for him I guess, he is all alone since my mother passed in October.

I have to get a backbone this is harming me.
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He asked.
You said no but offered an alternative. A reasonable solution.
He got angry.
OK.

Keep this up.

Saying no to brats, even senior brats, is not just ok but needed.
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You've a long history here with us, Mary. I don't recall the knee replacement. I sure wish you a good healing, and no, don't do a thing that might hurt or hinder that.
As to Dad, well, saves you saying "Bye, Dad" doesn't it, Mary? When he hangs up, I mean.

My brother used to have a saying when I was a kid. I think it's still around. He used to say
"Good riddance to bad rubbish". I just remembered that one.

One thing we know about good old dad. He will get hold of you when he wants you, won't he?
Guess he just isn't hungry enough. Or has a good pizza delivery company. I recall other instances of the folks telling you to LEAVE THEM ALONE. Maybe just do that. I don't think they deserve you.
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Too bad for dad, then huh?
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Oh well. Thats what you can do for him. If he doesn't want to do it that way thats his problem. I would not fall and hurt myself for this man. Or make my knee worse. I read one of your previous posts, ur sister is the POA let her do for him.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 21, 2024
Exactly, JoAnn. He can go hungry. When he's hungry enough he'll get onboard with some grocery delivery.
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He can make demands and he will not get groceries.

He can refuse to have groceries delivered, and he will not get groceries.

When he complains about not having groceries, remind him that it’s his fault. He chose not to accept your offer. Oh well.
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Good, don't answer when he calls you again, make some more boundaries and stick to them.

He is a self-centered bully, don't play his sick game.
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