I've been on this forum before with several different requests for advice, reassurance, etc. It has been so helpful to me to read what others are doing to cope with similar difficult times. So I'm ba-a-a-ck!
My 95-year-old dad has vascular dementia, legally blind from macular degeneration, very hard of hearing, & several chronic conditions which have been, up to this point, fairly well controlled. He has lived in a MC facility for the last 2 years. About a month ago, dormant peripheral arterial disease in his left leg has drastically increased & he has developed gangrene. The treatment is futile & above-the-knee amputation has been scheduled within the week.
He requires much assistance to transfer & now probably will be confined to a wheelchair. He has minimal understanding of how bad is his condition due to his dementia.
I have confidence in his surgeon, who carefully & kindly explained the situation, for which there are no good options for treatment, while dad was present. However, how much dad grasped is questionable. Now I have to transport him to the hospital next week & tell him what is going to happen & why. I'm fairly sure he will get very upset - who wouldn't? The guilt is killing me! I HATE that he has to go through this! He was never a tough guy & I think this will crush him! Another example of what could happen when people live too long!
Anyone else faced this? Words of wisdom?
And then ask your hospice what happens when morphine alone isn't enough for breakthrough pain. Will they prescribe Opana lollipops or oral Diluadid or just morphine? Is the MC ok with dispensing SII narcotics (morphine also is), and if not, who on hospice will be charged with doing so?
I too think that placing Dad on Hospice is a good choice. He may need to be transferred from MC to LTC but that u can be discussed with the MC director. He will be given Morphine for his pain. I think you are just prolonging the inevitable.
I would bet if Dad had known how his life would go, he would not have agreed to this.
Please try not to add to your stress now by feeling any level of 'guilt' over what is happening to dad. Let yourself off the hook for that as you move through this difficult period of time. Wishing you the best of luck.
I'm so sorry you & dad have to face such terrible choices. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you a virtual hug and a prayer that God has mercy and takes Dad painlessly and quickly, before he has to undergo more suffering.
We opted years ago for a bowel resection surgery as my MIL did not want to live with a colostomy bag. She was 90 and really was tired of living. She survived the surgery but suffered a massive stroke several days later and passed soon after. My husband did not regret his decision as she was miserable and also kept forgetting she had the colostomy bag.
I think hospice would be best in this situation. At some point quality of life outweighs life itself.
Which direction would be less painful?
Which direction would be less burdensome?
Which fit with his life values?
Basically, definate hospice care & pass away. Or amputation, possible recovery, unknown timeframe of much reduced quality of life, then hospice care & pass away.
Our local hospice needs an MD order before they will assess & I know this will be in the future.
I'd call hospice, it may be kinder just to let nature take it's course.
Good luck.
What is the prognosis if he does not have the surgery?