He has always been a very capable and independent person and very resistant to being told what to do. He also has a history of anger issues, due to a dysfunctional childhood, which he’d worked on and had reached a place of peace. Now that anger is coming back out, is usually irrational and he is alienating his family members who are my only support where we live.
I am very concerned about what will happen when the time comes that I need to stop him from driving. Any details of how you have managed this problem would be appreciated.
Start documenting hubby's behavior so you can give specific examples. That will be very helpful.
As far as driving, do you have 2 cars or 1? If you have 2, I would get rid of yours and make hubby's your only car, that you start driving. Again, fibbing is good in these touchy situations. Your car gets broken and just doesn't get fixed. Remove it from the property. Out of sight, out of mind. With my mom, she stopped driving over the winter and then I just kept it going until we got to the doc who I had pre-arranged with to tell mom no more driving. Mom was pissed but it was necessary. I could not deal with the possibility of her killing someone when I knew her brain was not what it used to be. It's just not fair to the world in general or to him or you either.
So sorry you are dealing with this. I am worried about this happening to my husband some day. Best of luck.
Funkygrandma is right. Dh should not be driving NOW. I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet. There is a segment devoted to driving, and how a wife handled the matter with her husband suffering from dementia.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.
Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and should NOT be behind the wheel of any vehicle.
While I know you are dreading his anger outbursts when he's told he can no longer drive, I would venture to guess that you would dread even more if he were to hit and kill some innocent person or God forbid a child, right?
I would go on your husbands patient portal and tell his doctor exactly what is going on and ask him to not only tell your husband that he can no longer drive, but to report him to the DMV as well.
That way it'll be the doctors fault that he can't drive and not yours.
But until you can get that taken care of, just make sure that you're the one driving wherever you all need to go.