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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My husband and I celebrated our 33rd anniversary yesterday. While he usually knows me, he has no memory of our time together.
Yesterday I brought an anniversary card and pizza to his care home and I told him about our life together — the property we bought, the home we built on it, and the trips we took.
I told him that we have had a good life together.
He said, “It sounds like it.”
He will have forgotten about our discussion moments after I left. But I will have this lovely memory forever.
I Know 2 people that Had a Loving relationship . He came down with Alzheimers around 2000 and when she would go visit him he would say " I dont know who You are but you always make me smile . "
He tells me she left around Christmas and didn’t take anything with her. I’ve tried the photo books and he recognizes everyone. But I now think as others have mentioned he is looking for the woman from 30 years ago. She was much skinnier and didn’t have gray hair! I think I will just start referring to myself by my childhood nickname, which he never used.
MIndy, oftentimes dementia causes a person to regress in time. Your husband is likely looking for you at the age you were when you got married. He doesn't recognize you now, as a 70 year old, for example, because in his mind he and his bride are 25. It may help to pull out your wedding photos and look at them together, and then look at photos thru the years.
Thanks for the quick responses. We live at home together along with my physically disabled brother. I have downloaded the books recommended. My husband believes his wife left, but took nothing with her. He will try to FaceTime me while I am sitting right next to him. It makes him very confused. He doesn’t really know who I am but he does understand that I am there to help him and care for him. I guess I will just refer to my self by my family nickname when I have to.
Hello, I suggest you do not insist, his reality is different than yours now. Be casual in responding. Say she loves him and will visit soon if he asks. There is no need to create more confusion and distress. Don’t let this hurt your feelings as heartbreaking as it is…just know that he’s changing. Sending you positive vibes 🫶🏻
No you don't "insist" because your husbands brain is now permanently broken and logic doesn't live there anymore. It's sad and it's heartbreaking, but you now must meet your husband where he's at in his world not yours. He may not know who you are right now, but I'm sure he knows that you are a loving and caring person who is looking after him, and that has to be enough for now. Dementia sucks, that's a fact, but the more you educate yourself about it the better off you will be. Wishing you well as you take this very difficult journey with your husband.
His mind is broken. He cannot receive, process, compute this information. So it makes no sense whatsoever to distress both him and you, yourself, with this insistence. This is not at all an unusual situation. You cannot now and will be unlikely in future to convince your hubby you are his wife. Part of loving him unconditionally is to accept this loss of a man who is gone for all intent and purpose, though still alive.
He no longer "knows you". If you would rather not visit, then keep visits few and far between, and let him believe you are whomever he believes you to be in the moment. I am so sorry. This loss of someone still alive in the flesh is tragic. Not everything can be fixed. That doesn't make it without pain and mourning. Do get counseling for yourself to help should you wish it.
No. Just let him know you're a loving and caring friend there to help him.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your husband. The 36 Hour Day is another great reference type book.
What a terrible and emotional situation for you. Others here will have good advice given within a day or so. So sorry you are having to deal with this.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Yesterday I brought an anniversary card and pizza to his care home and I told him about our life together — the property we bought, the home we built on it, and the trips we took.
I told him that we have had a good life together.
He said, “It sounds like it.”
He will have forgotten about our discussion moments after I left. But I will have this lovely memory forever.
He doesn’t really know who I am but he does understand that I am there to help him and care for him. I guess I will just refer to my self by my family nickname when I have to.
It's sad and it's heartbreaking, but you now must meet your husband where he's at in his world not yours.
He may not know who you are right now, but I'm sure he knows that you are a loving and caring person who is looking after him, and that has to be enough for now.
Dementia sucks, that's a fact, but the more you educate yourself about it the better off you will be.
Wishing you well as you take this very difficult journey with your husband.
This is not at all an unusual situation.
You cannot now and will be unlikely in future to convince your hubby you are his wife. Part of loving him unconditionally is to accept this loss of a man who is gone for all intent and purpose, though still alive.
He no longer "knows you". If you would rather not visit, then keep visits few and far between, and let him believe you are whomever he believes you to be in the moment.
I am so sorry. This loss of someone still alive in the flesh is tragic. Not everything can be fixed. That doesn't make it without pain and mourning. Do get counseling for yourself to help should you wish it.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your husband. The 36 Hour Day is another great reference type book.
Good luck.