My mother died 9 years ago. My dad has lived in my home since then. He is now 87, has many medical issues (COPD, cataracts, macular degeneration, hard of hearing, asthma, emphysema, arthritis and aortic stenosis). Despite these conditions, he had been able to maintain independence (driving, shopping, cooking etc..) until August of last year when he fell and suffered two subdural hematomas. The brain injury exacerbated his vision issues to the point where he can only read bold letters with the use of a flashlight. My father has always had a tyrannical attitude, but was grateful that we took him in and with his independence was able to keep it under control. We had a few issues over the years such as arguments over the temperature in the house or his hording groceries in his room. He complied to the new rules we put in place as things came up. However, after his fall I had to take his driving privileges away and my house has been in turmoil since. He will not pay for a driver, he will not go to the senior center and will only be content if I return the keys to him. As a result he has become infantile and manipulative and his tyrannical personality is in overdrive. Needless to say, my husband has had enough. My father has tantrums when he can't have his way (banging cabinets and throwing things). My husband wants him out. I do believe this is the solution, but my father pretends these events did not happen and plays the prayed victim when these conversations are broached. I feel my marriage will be jeopardized if this situation persists, but how do I get my father to willingly or otherwise go to assisted living? He is financially stable, but will find every excuse not to go i.e. he doesn't like their food, doesn't want to be with strangers and the biggest issue, once he leaves my house, he will want his car keys and access to his car. How do I prevent that? I am at my wits end. My health is suffering, I have developed heart palpitations and have put on weight. I have two teenage sons as well who have had enough of the turmoil in the house. As a last note, I do have two brothers that although are supportive and agree with the absurdity of my father's behavior, have no share in the care giving or daily stress I have endured. They tell my to throw him out, but where? I need concrete assistance not platitudes. If anyone has been in a similar place, please give me some insight. I don't know where to go from here and need help!! ASAP
The OP's health is suffering and her marriage is in jeopardy. No one should have to get divorced or worse yet, die, in the process of keeping their parent at home.
People are not alone in nursing homes or AL's. I hope that's not what you meant in your last sentence, because I know from experience that is just not true.
Your husband and children have put up with a lot of turmoil! I am not being rude but you are not expected to sacrifice your marriage and your family or your health to care for another. Your husband and your children are your first responsibility and I cannot imagine putting anyone above them.
I wish you well!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.