My mentally ill, stage 4 cancer patient mother is lying to medical staff and framing me as abusive, and I'm not sure what to do.
My mother has lived with me for 7 years, but has declined rapidly in the last 6 months. Her behavior has ticked all boxes on the Borderline Personality Disorder Checklist for decades, and she was difficult on her best day, but there was good there, too. However, the cancer and the COVID isolation have exacerbated her worst traits, and I can't remember the last time she said a pleasant word or was enjoyable in any way.
It is nonstop complaining, demanding, tantrum throwing, and full blown emotional meltdowns. For the last few months, I have completely detached and will not provide her with any attention or pity when she behaves badly. This drives her absolutely round the bend, and she is now just making sh*t up and lying to anyone she comes into contact with in a desperate attempt to get the attention and pity she constantly craves.
Everything my mother says is with the intention of making herself appear victimized to her audience (the stories change depending on who's listening), and her lies are starting to make me sound abusive to medical staff. And that's just what I've heard her say, so I'm concerned about what I haven't heard. This started about two weeks ago, and these are what I've heard:
"I know I'm dehydrated, but there's no cold water at my daughter's house and I never have anything to drink."
This is 100% a lie, and she knows it. I always have a large glass pitcher
in the fridge with filtered water, one with iced tea, and one with
either lemonade or some random drink mix. She also has cans of Coke.
There are also three faucets.
"It's hard to gain weight when there's never anything to eat in the house. I
get so hungry, but there's no food."
Another 100% lie, and she knows it. I ALWAYS have a fully stocked fridge,
and she also gives me a grocery list that I fill every week. We're also
in an urban area, and there's a plethora of restaurants and delivery
services for which she has money, because she pays nothing to live
in my home, making nearly half of her social security is disposable.
"When my daughter went out with her friend for the evening, I fell and my back is really hurt."
First, I went jogging with a friend and was gone for 90 minutes. I also don't know if her being injured a lie or not. Every time I've left her alone for a 1-2 hours in the last 2 weeks (3 whole times), she said she fell and seriously injured herself. But when I'm home, she gets around pretty well with just her walker.
I corrected her- in the presence of whomever she was speaking to- every time, but I am growing concerned about what she is saying when I am not on the call or in the room. I don't know if the medical professionals can tell that she's lying. Has anyone had an experience like this? What did you do and how did it work out?
4 Answers
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It may make her think it may not.
Consider a move once covid is under more control. For yourself if you live with your Mom, or for HER if she lives with you.
That she is both mentally and physically ill is very sad, indeed, but it isn't something I would be living with.
It was always sufficient and if they do decide that they need to report you, welcome APS in and show them around. They will see that she has food and drink. And you are allowed to go out, if she can't be left alone at all it is time for a facility.
Great big warm hug! It is so difficult dealing with our parents vengeful behavior.