Mom's grieving their relationship change, getting grouchy at others & her spouse's Parkinson's decline. She also fell twice in last two years & had to recover which was humbling. I'm not sure how to help them with next steps & they've been married a long time & don't want to be separated. Thank you for any advice.
You want them to move to AL but can they afford it for 2 people?
I agree with againx100 that you should reduce the amount of orbiting you do to help keep them in their home. You must put up a boundary and tell them you're just not able to do this or that.
I don't blame anyone for not relishing the thought of leaving their beloved home. Moving into a facility is symbolic that one is exiting this world. Also, they may have outdated notions of horrible NHs, so maybe if you can find one they can afford and take her for a visit to see for herself? If she won't go you still can and take video to show her. Maybe the admin would introduce you to some content residents that you can interview. Make the case that her husband's Parkinsons will continue to advance and then what? YOU cannot provide care for 2 people, even if you were willing (and you're not), you literally won't be able.
You must also consider that your mother's grumpiness may be the beginnings of dementia. Has she ever had a cognitive/memory test? If not it may be time so that you know what you're dealing with. She may be depressed and need some meds to improve the quality of her daily emotional life. Lots to ponder. Do a little every day to work on things. If you try to do too much with your mom she can easily feel overwhelmed. Finesse may be the best strategy right now so that there's buy-in and cooperation from at least one of them. Give us an update with how things go. I wish you success in helping them to make wise decisions!
If you are doing things to support them staying in their current living situation, set some boundaries and cut back, to help show them that AL is the answer. If they want/need more help, they can hire help with their own money. You can help facilitate that too. It gets to a point where having enough staff to do everything necessary is difficult at best.