The refinance would pay off her credit cards (Which my brother the POA has been using for years to the tune of over $50k), free up her income because I would be paying half the mortgage, and allow me to pay off a high interest business debt with cash out from the refinance. The way things are my mom can no longer afford to live in the house and this would allow her to do so. The day we were supposed to sign the intent to proceed my mom went to the ER with a kidney infection. My brother decided to exercise his POA and told the doctors not to communicate with me and told me that no financial transactions would occur until further notice. My mom is totally competent and agreed to sign the refinance, but now refuses to because of my brother. The loan agent says they can proceed with the preparations without any other signatures right now. My brother is totally out of line and is really standing in the way of what is not only beneficial but necessary. My mom is coming home next week. Last week my loan, which would have already been paid off if we had proceeded when my mom got sick, went into default and my accounts were seized. I'm now facing bankruptcy. I have been my mom's constant companion and caregiver for 30 years. My mom's mortgage is so high because she mortgaged and refinanced her house to bail him out five times. He is in charge of everything and is mishandling it all, mingling accounts and interfering in my mom's care and independence. And now I can't even pay my rent. I know my mom doesn't legally owe me anything but I am devastated, betrayed and completely bewildered. I contacted an attorney but the reality is that I need this refinance to go forward NOW. Without another day to spare. Not only to keep my mom free to live at home but to keep my livelihood going for my daughters and me and to stop my brother's credit card use. I have told him I am aware of it and that I contacted an attorney. I asked him to talk with me. I told his wife about it. I pleaded with him to tell my mom to go forward with it. He refuses to respond.
Someone who tricks or manipulates an elder to change a deed is more likely engaged in elder abuse, which I think would be based on a different standard of proof in court.
My concern when in a post that someone "put" his/her name on a deed is that there's an assumption made by posters that it might have been an elder abuse issue, when it could have been a forgery issue - two different levels of prosecution and proof.
Thanks for pointing that out to me!
People CANNOT add themselves to deeds.
Mom could sell her house, and take whatever equity is still there, and put it into a savings account just for her care. Then she doesn't need to worry about real estate taxes, which must be sky high, plus utility costs, and high homeowner's insurance.
That way, Mom is in a safe place, and you can go back to try to piece together your business without rushing home to check on Mom.
I think if your mom can't afford to live in the house, she needs to sell it and look for a place she can afford. She should cut up all her credit cards and use prepaid cards or debit cards only. She can't give any more money to her children.
Bankruptcy isn't the end of the world. It is just a restructuring of debt. It's painful, but lots of people live through it and come out the other side. Best of luck to you.
And what if Mom cannot afford a nursing home, average $10k per month, then she would need to sign up for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid would see that your Mom "gifted" money to you, and "gifted" money to your brother [if within the past 5 years] thus Medicaid would turn down her Medicaid until a later date. Then what?
I remember when my Mom was still very sharp for being in her 90's until one day when she fell and hit her head. In that instant everything changed. She had to live in long-term-care at $12k per month.