My mom is 77 years old and has been living with mental illness since my childhood; primary MH diagnosis is paranoia schizophrenia.
On August 3, 2024 I received a phone message from my mom that she is in the hospital. Our primary form of communication during her hospital stay was phone calls. On August 15, 2024 I called the hospital to speak with my mom and I'm told they don't have a person by that name. I call the hospital again on Sunday 8-18-24, and told she was discharged, but due to HIPAA law they did not disclose where to. Afterwards I called APS, seeking advice and was told by the worker , there job is not to locate missing persons, but if there is an active case on my mom, my message would be related to the caseworker, but I would not be informed as to why there is an active APS case. I waited hoping to get a call from a caseworker or my mom, but never did , so on August 31, 2024 I contacted San Antonio PD notifying them my concerns of not knowing where my mom is at and not having spoken to her since 8-8-2024. SAPD dispatch asked if I be content just knowing that she is safe, which I responded enthusiastically "yes!" SAPD dispatch informed me I would need to make the missing persons report to a SAPD officer, at which time I told dispatch I would go to the Frio Street SAPD substation. No more than 30 minutes later I received a call from SAPD dispatch notifying me my mom was located , that she is safe and they confirmed my mom knows my cell phone number by memory. Afterwards I sat at the edge of my bed relief and grateful knowing my mom was safe. Since receiving the call from SAPD notifying my mom is safe, I still have not received a call from her, which is unusual because my mom would call me once or twice a week. I'm reaching out for guidance, inquiring as her biological son, who has been her Medical POA while she resided in the nursing home before moving into an assisted living home, who would make calls to Adult Protective Services and go to the local County court house to initiate a mental health warrant due concerns about her wellbeing and the safety of others; do I have any rights to know where she's at and to speak with her. I am aware as I've been told before if my mom chooses to not call or speak to me that is her right. I prepared a fact sheet noting dates and times I received calls/messages from my mom while she was in the hospital, when I recently called APS and the case number and the calls to San Antonio Police Department. Thank you, I would appreciate any guidance or assistance you can provide.
3 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Hospital pushing sending my mother who had a stroke home, not sure what to do?
- New poster here. Mom has mental health and life changes issues. She was recently admitted to a psych unit. What should I expect following discharge?
- My mom went to the hospital with a UTI about 2 weeks ago. She still has delirium, not eating or using phone. How long does recovery typically take?
- My mother is still in the psychward and nothing has changed, I am lost.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know you are a loving son. I'm glad that the San Antonio police department was able to make contact and was able to tell you your Mom is alive.
My uncle had schizophrenia and we dealt with it as a family for decades.
Sometimes people with mental illness simply stop calling. I'm dealing with this with my sister who has bipolar. Sometimes meds in senior citizens are so strong that a side effect is the senior will stop calling.
I've never used SAMHSA hotline mentioned above but I'd give them a call. It looks like they also have Spanish operators also.
I know San Antonio is a big city. Most likely if Mom was in the hospital she was discharged to a nursing home.
Can you google map the nursing homes and start calling and asking for Mom to see if you can locate her?
I've not read the Liz Scheier book referenced above. I think I need to. It looks like the Liz Scheier book is available in Spanish from Amazon and also you might be able to get it electronically in Spanish from a library.
Best of luck to you. In my experience those with mental illness tend to drift in and out of our lives many times in ways that are out of control. Again, I am sorry you are dealing with this.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. Do look them up online. They may have contacts for you. 1 800 487-4889.
As you already know and tell us here, HIPAA protects the mentally ill. You say that you are POA but you cannot really use it because the mentally ill ARE NOT CONSIDERED LEGALLY INCOMPETENT.
Were I you I would ask APS to please relieve me of this POA, and I would resign it. If mother is ever deemed incompetent let the state take on her care, application for coverage, housing and etc. It's impossible to be POA for an unwilling and uncooperative adult.
I have seen many families try to get guardianship and conservatorship and they have been unable. You have already contacted authorities and they have informed you that the best they can do is reassure you that your mother is safe and not contacting you by your own choice.
I am afraid that we in our own society have NO ANSWERS over all for the mentally ill and the predicament of themselves/families. Not certain ANY country does.
I recommend to you the BEST BOOK I ever read about a child trying to deal with her mother's mental illness over a lifetime. It isn't new and it's cheap used on Amazon. It is by Liz Scheier and is a memoir titled Never Simple. Ms. S. tried to help her mother until her mother's death. She made use of the Social Services safety nets of the entire city and state of New York, ALL TO NO AVAIL. Honestly, her mother lived and died mentally a very ill woman, often homeless, often in squalid circumstances.
I cannot advise you to walk away from your mother's illness. But I can tell you it is my horrifically SAD opinion that you cannot help her and that she doesn't wish to have your help. She has her own world. She prefers it/understands it/chooses to live in it rather than to attempt to be threated and cared for, and to live in the world of the "normals". As Oliver Sacks said, "They have their own world; it just isn't OUR world".
I can only give you my heartfelt sympathy. You have done EVERYTHING anyone can think of. I am so very sorry. I hope against hope that there is someday some answer in peace for you.