My dad claims she’s still taking the first medication given. She is getting worse by the day but he won’t force her to go back to the Dr and we’re not allowed to talk about the diagnosis in front of her because she gets very mad. I guess my question is, is there anything I can do? My dad has told me to basically mind my own business when my sister and I offer suggestions. He’s suffering but just will not do anything about the situation.
Just to give you another point of view, if I, myself, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and I know what the future will be like: years and years of suffering and decline and loss of independence and dignity (being bedridden, having someone clean my behind and spoon feed me, being locked up in some horrible nursing home, forgetting who is who, etc.,) I would not take any medication, because I want the end to come soon. I don't want to suffer or make my children suffer.
I am not suggesting that your mother intentionally stops taking med for the reasons I stated for myself. It could be that she is in denial. I just wanted to tell you what I would do for myself and I don't think it's a bad way to handle it.
Often drugs that weren't developed to treat dementia are used to manage symptoms. For example, an antidepressant might be prescribed for a dementia patient who is depressed. It is the same drug that huge numbers of other people take. It is not specific to people with dementia.
The benefit of your mother going back to a doctor is that there may be some treatments that would make her feel better -- less anxious, for example. There is nothing to be done to cure the dementia or extend or shorten her life span.
My husband fell down again and again. His nuero doc said it sounded like he was having narcoleptic-type episodes. He treated him with that drug (had to persuade the insurance company) and the falling stopped! Miracle!
What can you do? Nothing. This is up to your mother and dad. Denial is a perfectly legitimate coping mechanism. Don't take that away without giving something in its place.
If Mom develops a new symptom that Dad is worried about you could suggest she a doctor for that symptom -- NOT for dementia. If she agrees to go, get a note to the doctor ahead of time that she has dementia but is in denial.
My mother had symptoms of medicine reaction and over medication. I made an appointment for the doctor to go over the meds and see what might need changing. The night before the appointment, she called me to tell me not to bother as she had cancelled the appointment. I wasn't surprised and told her so. If she expected me to beg, she was sadly mistaken. I do believe in 'free choice' - sadly, her decision was to stop everything and tell no one. Not the best solution as 6 months later she went critical and nothing could be done. But it was her choice to make.
BTW, my dad never told us how bad she was getting - we learned a few things after the fact. But he too had extreme health issues so I didn't blame him. Besides, just like your father, he was trying to not rock the boat with Mom. I assisted him with living for another 7-1/2 years.
you are w them. She may not be at that stage yet but will be. Our only reason for doc once a year is to sign LTC requirments. Could be for UTI, depression or falling, etc. Just do fun things w her now before you can't & don't bring up the bad. Always dwell on the fun times together as it could help dad too. Go to support group & spill your gut out. All there understand. You could pay for a counselor if group sharing hurts. Men may need that more. We have several men in support who started out in denial but few times w group came to realization. It is not the same husband/wife vs daughter/mom feelings. That's ok but that's why dad & you may not be on same page. Read all you can Alz Reading Room, Understanding the Dementia Experience, Teepa Snow. So many helps out there. Most of all remember there are 2 worlds. Your world you can chg things but in mom's world things cannot be chgd so accept it & move on w love & security she needs.
May God give you strength and courage to walk this journey.
Hugs 2 u and your sister for caring enough to want to help your parents.
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