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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This can be typical. No matter how old you are moving into a new place is difficult. (A friend of mine is in an Independent Living facility, very nice I call it a "cruise ship on land" lot of things going on. But the people are just like they were in High School, cliques form and it can be difficult for a new resident to find niche.) The facility should what they can to get your mom involved and get her to not isolate. I would suggest that before they try the antianxiety medications. I also suggest that when you are visiting get involved in an activity WITH her. When you leave do so when she is involved with something. Even if it is when she is having lunch or dinner. Get her seated and QUIETLY leave. Don't tell her good bye just leave. Or if there is an activity get her involved in that and leave.
My mom is not in a facility but last year she became depressed. She didn't even realize she was depressed but when they went through the questions it became apparent she was. Her doctor put her on a low dose anti-depressant and it has really helped her. It gave her just a little boost so she could do the things that actually give her pleasure.
The vast majority of dementia patients require at least an antidepressant to feel emotionally balanced to SOME degree. Then later on, a calming medication as agitation and anxiety worsen. My mother did very well on Wellbutrin and then Ativan later on. She was never groggy or "out of it" either. Besides, with dementia at play, I'd rather be TOO calm than too agitated or sad, let's face it.
Agree. I'd vote for calm and better emotional balance any day. The correct med(s) can make a difficult situation at least somewhat more acceptable for the patient, the care team AND the family! (I think that may be the case even if dementia isn't involved.)
I placed my mom in a memory care. Despite the impacts that dementia can have on their behavior, I am a firm believer their personality can have a significant impact on their adjustment. My mom was a shy, and introverted. All of her life, she enjoyed her own company more than any other. So, it was not surprising that the things that make a memory care / ALF great, like social activities, joint dining etc, were just absolutely horrible to her.
I had an additional issue where my memory care changed owners which made the transition even more rocky. It took my mom about 6 weeks to go from crying and "hating" it to "liking her room". I could never get her to dine with others. She refused. She did learn to love a couple of activities.
However, because of her personality and because of the management issues, I visited every day. She did not like the food (not surprising) so I made a meal every day to make sure she was getting enough calories. My friends on the forum told me to stay away but I just could not since I had to monitor the care closer than I anticipated.
She passed 5 months after I placed her for many reasons but did adjust to her new surroundings.
I guess I am saying that it was the hardest thing I have every done and it takes time for them to adjust (and for you to adjust). If she has only been there 3 weeks, give it time.
My my mom woke up crying every day. They put her on an anti-depressant and it worked for her. She stopped waking up crying, she stopped having crazy hallucinations where she thought everyone was trying to kill her.
My mom was crying and not eating too. I asked for the PC doctor to prescribe Lexapro. It takes a few weeks to work, and 5 mg was too low of a dose. My mom is taking 10 mg and it is a game changer. Sorry for what you are dealing with.
Thank you for your response it's goodnto have lots of perspectives. I know if they pull her out of memory care and include her in the assisted living activities, she does better. She's unique in that she's sharp but her memory is gone and she's physically active.
My mom was in a similar state and the head of nursing at her facility suggested her MD prescribe a low dose mood stabilizer. Mom was in a state of high anxiety and wasn’t adapting. We tried 12.5 mg Seroquel before bedtime; she changed for the better, almost overnight. It calmed her. She stopped her continual crying and sighing, was able to start mingling with people there and going to the dining room instead of staying in her room, refusing to leave. I feel for you, knowing how hard it is to leave your mother when she’s crying and clinging to you.
This is supposed to be her new "living arrangement", yet how she lives is still being decided by others? She should have a choice if she wants to stay in her room all the time or not.
I think that initially there is a lot of adjustment. How long has she been in care? I certainly think this is worth discussion with her MD. Sometimes a low dose anti-depressant helps, and sometimes it doesn't. The fact is that this isn't a happy experience, and there is little sense to trying to "make it happy" all the time. You know your loved one much better than we do. If the time for any "talk therapy is over; cannot be reasonably done" then I would consider a mood elevation medication to see if it helps.
It is very hard. I am in the same position, two years after my mother went into the facility. A lot depends on the drug and your mother's reaction to it. They had to give something to my mother so she would at least cooperate a bit with the carers. It makes her groggy but at least they can give her care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
No matter how old you are moving into a new place is difficult.
(A friend of mine is in an Independent Living facility, very nice I call it a "cruise ship on land" lot of things going on. But the people are just like they were in High School, cliques form and it can be difficult for a new resident to find niche.)
The facility should what they can to get your mom involved and get her to not isolate.
I would suggest that before they try the antianxiety medications.
I also suggest that when you are visiting get involved in an activity WITH her. When you leave do so when she is involved with something. Even if it is when she is having lunch or dinner. Get her seated and QUIETLY leave. Don't tell her good bye just leave. Or if there is an activity get her involved in that and leave.
Getting acclimated can take time.
I placed my mom in a memory care. Despite the impacts that dementia can have on their behavior, I am a firm believer their personality can have a significant impact on their adjustment. My mom was a shy, and introverted. All of her life, she enjoyed her own company more than any other. So, it was not surprising that the things that make a memory care / ALF great, like social activities, joint dining etc, were just absolutely horrible to her.
I had an additional issue where my memory care changed owners which made the transition even more rocky. It took my mom about 6 weeks to go from crying and "hating" it to "liking her room". I could never get her to dine with others. She refused. She did learn to love a couple of activities.
However, because of her personality and because of the management issues, I visited every day. She did not like the food (not surprising) so I made a meal every day to make sure she was getting enough calories. My friends on the forum told me to stay away but I just could not since I had to monitor the care closer than I anticipated.
She passed 5 months after I placed her for many reasons but did adjust to her new surroundings.
I guess I am saying that it was the hardest thing I have every done and it takes time for them to adjust (and for you to adjust). If she has only been there 3 weeks, give it time.
How long has she been in care?
I certainly think this is worth discussion with her MD.
Sometimes a low dose anti-depressant helps, and sometimes it doesn't. The fact is that this isn't a happy experience, and there is little sense to trying to "make it happy" all the time.
You know your loved one much better than we do. If the time for any "talk therapy is over; cannot be reasonably done" then I would consider a mood elevation medication to see if it helps.
I sure wish you good luck.
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