She accuses me of believing their “lies” and gets very upset. Then speaks horribly to me and the staff. I’ve been told to agree with her when she’s delusional but that’s not going to be very productive in this situation. I really don’t know how to handle it all.
What do mean by its not productive in this situation. You need to realize that Mom is in her own little world and you have to join her there. Paranoia comes with Dementia. They can no longer reason. They can no longer process what you are saying and their short-term memory loss doesn't allow them to remember from day to day or minute to minute. In her mind they are lying and nothing you say will change that. She no longer sees the world as it is. Yes its frustrating but its what it is.
We have 2 things we use here to discribe Dementia. A broken brain or a dying brain. I use dying. Little by little as Dementia hits parts of the brain, they die. If Mom was not nasty before then maybe her Dementia has hit the part of her brain that has emotions. Maybe she needs a medication to calm her. I would discuss this with her Neurologist.
I went to visit my Mom at her AL. It was not unusual to find her walking the halls. On this visit thats where I found her, looking for a baby she heard crying. I told her there were no babies only adults. She said I was wrong there was a baby. One of the aides was in the hall and heard our conversation. Mom looked at her and said "If u tell me that there are no babies, I will believe you but not her" The aide told Mom their were no babies. Mom said "OK" and walked away.
How about trying one of these.
"Mom, I will talk to them again"
"Mom, I have a meeting scheduled with the administrator, we will discuss this"
It might be easier to give scenarios if you gave us an example of what "lies" she it believing they are telling.
Is it about medication? Her ?