Hi guys, I am desperate at this point. I have a 93 year-old Mother who will not get Aid or considered an assisted living facility. I am on disability., And I can not take care of her anymore due to my own health issues. Last Week , She fell three times and ended up in the emergency room. Is there any way that I could forcibly get her to allow aid in her house or to be put in assisted living facility without a judges approvalI live in the state of Florida. Her Doctor agrees with me that she needs help. Does anybody know how to go about it or if it’s even legally possible ? She refuses to allow anybody in her house or to even consider the thought of it ?
On her next ER visit, you might want to speak to a social worker and tell them your mother lives alone and you are no longer able to care for her. Tell them she is an unsafe discharge and get her placed. I needed to do that for my father because my 94 year old mother was no longer able to take care of him and he required more care than my sisters and I could manage. Very sad thing to have to do but we really had no other good choices.
I truly hope things work out for you.
I think that you may need to move from the premises, ultimately, if you cannot get help. Can you tell us what you have TRIED in this last year of struggle? Have you asked to have APS intervention for you both? I know we gave advice a year ago and apparently that was all for naught?
You say that you are on disability and that you have health issues. I think you should access your own system for your own care, and recognize you really cannot intervene for the care of your mom.
She has had already several falls, and perhaps the best you will be able to do is await another, and then work with Social Services in hospital and perhaps with APS also to formulate a plan.
I'm so sorry for your current difficulties. You must be utterly exhausted with all of this. I am certain you have thought of what plans you may have in the inevitable event your mom passes? Is there some way that you can try to implement those for yourself now? At some point, when someone you feel responsible for refuses care, you have to try to save yourself.
If she is currently home there you can't force her to anything. Elderly have the right to decide unless there is an immediate danger or the living conditions deem the house inhabitable. And, like so many others that want to die in their house it is their right up to a certain point where safety becomes an issue.
You will need to wait for another medical emergency and at least a three day inpatient stay. Then go directly to the Social Service Worker on her floor or assigned to her even before discharge plans are talked about. Tell the Social worker that she is an unsafe discharge and can not live independently. They may be resistant and try to tell you there are at home services available but you will need to stand your ground. Assertive but sweet is the best way to approach this.
Start researching facilities that are rehabs and have long term care. Or if she can afford and is able to live in an assisted living facility make sure there is a memory care floor or building to transistion to higher care if needed.
It truly takes an emergency to make a change. Best wishes during this stressful time.
You also step back and stop helping her .
A wise social worker told me “ stop helping her , let her fail , it’s the only way to make them accept help from strangers coming in the home , or to give in and go to assisted living “.
If you believe she has dementia or is otherwise not safe at home you can call the Agency of Aging or APS.
Next time Mom ends up at the hospital you could try saying it’s an unsafe discharge for her to go home . ( Although the bar seems low these days to be deemed safe at home ). Tell them there is no one to care for her , ask the social worker there to help with placement to assisted living .
Good Luck