My father suffered a stroke one year ago, he's paralyzed on one side and cannot speak. We (his daughters) have been part of his care team since he left the hospital. My mother has refused physio and speech therapy for him and now has moved eight hours away from family. She is now isolating us from video chat (he can't speak so we communicate visually), and we are very concerned for his well being. We are contemplating legal action, not sure if we even have any rights as daughters...
Has anybody had to go through this nightmare before?
Is your mom afraid you'll put him in a nursing home? Does she have dementia? Her refusal to allow him any therapy says volumes about her competence to care for him.
We suspect abuse, yet no one will cross the line to get in to see what’s going on. The police will not even touch this situation.
‘Found out Dad fell yet again and was in the hospital from their neighbor, the step mother lied to the hospital intake workers and said he had no children?
So, when we showed up we were not allowed to see him.
So, what do you do?
Even tho he can't talk, he may can write or type answers.
You need to go visit him and find out if he is doing ok and if he wants to continue living with your mom.
You should deffiently call Adult Protective Services and have them go do a well check on your Dad.
Your Dad's Insurance would cover therapy at home and he should be getting g it unless he doesn't want to.
Also, Why do you think they moved 8 hrs away?
8 hours is a pain to drive but it shouldn’t be too much for you since he’s your dad, it’s not as if they moved across the country or to another country.
Try to get your mother to agree to a visit. With COVID, she may be concerned that any visitor may infect him or her. Explain you concerns and that if she won't let you "see" him, you are so concerned that you will call the authorities to do a welfare check.
Has there been disagreement in the family about treatment plan going forward?
Does your Mother wish to have hospice now rather than treatment?
If your Mother is POA for your Dad, and competent, she has pretty much become the Lioness at the Gate. Bothering her is going to get you shut out. Supporting her in every way may get you some time with your Dad in his end of life care.
I am no privy to your Mom's "side" of all this, but if she is in charge, that doesn't really matter.
it’s half a days drive, leave in the am, arrive by afternoon.
rather than taking the most extreme step first ( with all the drama and stress that brings- to their dad included, by the way- op should go try and see him.
could she decline their visit? Possibly- possibly not.
Won’t know til they try though. I also agree the wife may have reasons for moving- has their been discord or disagreement about her husbands care
that could have caused her to desire some distance.
being supportive to her is something that also would support their dad in turn and hopefully create at least a bit more openness to visits and communication.
My father had a stroke. My mom would have never refused any therapy for my dad.
Therapy is an essential part of treatment for stroke patients. I would be so upset if my mom did that.
When did you find out that she intervened in this way? It’s so sad. Did your dad ask her to refuse his therapy?
Why would she isolate him from his family? Were you close or distant with your family before this incident? It seems so puzzling to me.
What is going on with your mom? Is there a reason that she would act in this manner? Is she suffering from any form of cognitive decline?
My father went to a rehab facility after his stroke but after time was up in rehab, I continued to take him to speech therapy every week.
My mother couldn’t drive due to her Parkinson’s disease so I drove him. Even with therapy, my father struggled with verbally communicating.
I can tell you that my father was embarrassed that he mixed up words.
Once he even called himself stupid. It broke my heart. Of course.
I told him that none of it, was his fault, that he worked hard in therapy and was doing his very best.
I can’t help but wonder why she would deny him treatment that was needed and it would raise questions in my mind about all of her motives.
Did he at least have the benefit of home health? When needed, my mom and dad participated in home health programs where therapists treat the patients in their homes.
Of course, I don’t know your mom so I can’t connect any dots but she certainly screwed this situation up.
Has she ever stood in the way of other things before? How awful for your father and the rest of your family.
I suppose that you could start with a welfare check. Do you have permission to speak with his doctors about this situation?
Again, this is unfortunate and I am so sorry that it occurred. Your dad and your family deserved better.
Keep us posted. We care.
It is very possible that you could get visitation via legal action. Talk to an attorney to figure out what steps to take. If mom is acting erratic, it's possible to get things put in place to determine what's going on the household, be able to visit and observe the care, etc.
There are questions that need answering.
I didn’t think of your particular questions. Anything is possible.
There is more to this story. Without knowing more, we can’t possibly connect the dots.
I feel sorry for the dad and the children. It’s sad.
I posted the aforementioned because, not everyone is mentally stable, which means you must consider your father's safety. What are their state laws?
Consult with an attorney STAT.
While being a "part of his care team", were there contentions, disagreements? Was the mother criticized and harped on for not allowing PT?
Although others have suggested APS or PD, the mother can refuse to let anyone in. She shouldn't, but she can. APS doesn't really have the legal authority to force their way in, but if they suspect something's amiss, I should think they could go to court for legal action.
For those who criticized seeking an attorney, do you understand that this kind of situation may call for legal action? This isn't about suing someone, it's about gaining access to a LO, to be sure nothing untoward is happening.
It might be best to at least try APS or the PD for a wellness check. Express concerns about his health and being shut out without being critical of the mother. Keep your tone concern!! IF they are refused access, they could, but likely won't pursue legal action (court order to at least see the man.)
Quick lookup, there were a number of queries like this, and most of the attorneys suggested APS and/or seeking an Elder Care atty to explore options. One response was:
"Isolating a vulnerable senior is a potential sign of elder abuse. Please consider contacting the elder fraud division of the district attorney's office and a lawyer specializing in elder law for further advice."
IF there was no real contention (only you can make that determination) before she cut off access and moved, then I would have concerns about his well-being. No ages are provided, no condition on the mother - is she young and capable enough to assist him as needed? Was she abusive towards him before your access was cut off? Could he be in danger? Too often you read articles about a LO being cut off from family and later they find out the person has passed, but no one is told and the other person continues taking their income. I'm not suggesting this is the case, but if I cared about him, I would pursue legal action to at least have SOMEONE check his status.
Believe me this happened to my father who was well off and Elder Abused by
his "brother". He was thrown into a welfare nursing home and cremated by the
county even though he had money and was a devout Catholic. Make sure
someone checks on him at least every 72 hours. The police are very good at
responding to "welfare checks".
Good Luck