I am her sole care taker. I take her to all her doctor appointments, dentist, and I take her out on little outings. She pitches in for gas but I still feel that she needs to contribute more. My mother's social security is minimal but I feel that $9.50 a day is not right. Am I wrong?
Yes, $9.50 a day is flat out ridiculous and you're not wrong. Mother needs to cough up her fair share of living expenses or look into Medicaid to have her placed in Skilled Nursing.
and
"I am taking care of my mom who can be defiant, stubborn, lies, and lies. She forgets a lot but sometimes it might be a manipulation trait."
I think you are doing a LOT more than just being her chauffeur, yes? What is involved in taking care of her? And what is the toll it is taking on your physical/mental/emotional health and your marriage?
Grandma1954: ".she should also be paying you as her caregiver. (Minimum would be $20.00 an hour)"
YES! What about all of your TIME?! Do you have siblings? What is their involvement? Are you POA/HCPOA?
And what is the plan for when your mother declines further? At what point will you take your life back and let a facility take care of her?
I know you just asked about her contribution to household expenses, but I'm sure that is just the tip of the iceberg Am I right?
Something to consider is that many AL facilities do not accept Medicaid waivers, only nursing homes are required by law to accept Medicaid patients and even then only a small portion of their beds. ALS in Ohio usually require a person to be a resident for 2 years before they might accept Medicaid. And then they might be moved into a smaller or shared room. So you might start looking at facilities now and discussing payment options with them.
If she has dementia she can not be handling day to day tasks.
She should be paying a portion of all the household expenses.
If there are 3 of you in the house 1/3 of the expenses would be fair.
You can charge her the legal IRS limit for transportation charges as well.
If she balks at that start doing tours of Memory Care facilities if she is aware enough of how finances are she will see that $9.50 a day is 😉slightly under the going rate.
oh....she should also be paying you as her caregiver. (Minimum would be $20.00 an hour)
If yes, she should be contributing to the household bills monthly, as well as buying the items that are specifically for her, like depends.
If no, well, you have to decide if you can continue to pick up the slack financially.
Your profile says she has a Dementia. If so, going to be hard to have her sign a contract but that is what you need. Medicaid needs proof that her money is going towards her care.
That's your choice to refuse your father's money. He offers to pay because he doesn't want to be an entitled freeloader who thinks his kids are supposed to become unpaid servants to him in his old age.
I don't know your father, but I'm going to guess that he's a pretty good guy and a good dad to you and your brother.
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