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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I looked at this differently. I think when she says "Mom isn't loyal" she means because she continues to talk to the grands. I get OP thinks mom should be on her side because her kids treat her terrible, not that Mom is hard to care for. The problem is not Mom, its OPs selfish children that need to be delt with. She deserves respect and she is the one who needs to hang up or walk away. She also tells them that she is not their babysitter. Right now Grandmom is #1. One person at a time.
I want to encourage you to get some counseling for yourself.
Your mom should be grateful for your help and your adult children need to learn that you are not willing to be treated terrible, no matter what you can or can not do for them.
Personally, I'd tell them all to kiss my @$$ and go live my life. It never ceases to amaze me that parents or adult children think they have special rights to be hateful and think they still have you are at their beck and call. It's selfish nonsense that only you can put a stop to.
I don't think you should be taking care of either. What about you? Who takes care of you?
I think all of you need to sit down and have a talk. Start with your mother. You make it known to her that she isn't going to bad-mouth you to your kids or you will not lift a finger to help her with anything and she will be put in a nursing home.
Next you speak to your children. Tell them that your kids are grown and that you're not willing to raise another family. That you're too old to be a nanny or a young mother again and won't be. Let them know that you want to be grandma now. The grandma who enjoys her grandkids. Not the grandma who has to has to be the daycare center or the parent.
If your family doesn't listen to you, blow them off for a while. Put your mother into AL or a nursing home for a while. Let your family have a taste of what life is like if you start putting yourself first and you should.
So Mom can't have a relationship with her grandchildren because they are mad at you?
How old is Mom, what health problems does she have? What type of care do you do?
I was babysitting my 20 month old grandson when I had to take my Mom, suffering from Dementia, into my home. At 65 I could not care for them both so GS went into Daycare. If Moms a priority, thats the way it is. If your a Baby Boomer your the sandwich generation. You have an elderly parent and grands. But ur not responsible for those grands, your children are. And they are selfish to think that you can do both, caring for Mom and their children too.
How about your kids hire babysitters and Mom hires and aide . Sounds you are the scapegoat . These babysitting needs and your Mom’s care needs are not your issues to solve .
Sounds exactly like that, Way. She's a scapegoat. The family scapegoat usually graduates to being the family care-slave when parents start aging or the family nanny when their kids start having kids.
Lori, one of my sons was treating me poorly, I finally told him , let's get therapy together, or let's not talk anymore! One or the other because I'm done being mistreated. Then covid happened, and we didn't see each other most of that year, and things got gradually better. No one deserves to be miss treated.
Don't drag your mother into your disputes with your children. Maybe you need to see a therapist for some guidance on how to reset these relationships and try to improve your relationships with all of them.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your mom should be grateful for your help and your adult children need to learn that you are not willing to be treated terrible, no matter what you can or can not do for them.
Personally, I'd tell them all to kiss my @$$ and go live my life. It never ceases to amaze me that parents or adult children think they have special rights to be hateful and think they still have you are at their beck and call. It's selfish nonsense that only you can put a stop to.
I think all of you need to sit down and have a talk. Start with your mother. You make it known to her that she isn't going to bad-mouth you to your kids or you will not lift a finger to help her with anything and she will be put in a nursing home.
Next you speak to your children. Tell them that your kids are grown and that you're not willing to raise another family. That you're too old to be a nanny or a young mother again and won't be. Let them know that you want to be grandma now. The grandma who enjoys her grandkids. Not the grandma who has to has to be the daycare center or the parent.
If your family doesn't listen to you, blow them off for a while. Put your mother into AL or a nursing home for a while. Let your family have a taste of what life is like if you start putting yourself first and you should.
How old is Mom, what health problems does she have? What type of care do you do?
I was babysitting my 20 month old grandson when I had to take my Mom, suffering from Dementia, into my home. At 65 I could not care for them both so GS went into Daycare. If Moms a priority, thats the way it is. If your a Baby Boomer your the sandwich generation. You have an elderly parent and grands. But ur not responsible for those grands, your children are. And they are selfish to think that you can do both, caring for Mom and their children too.
She's not responsible for her mother either. No one has to become a nanny or senior care slave to anyone.
Sounds you are the scapegoat .
These babysitting needs and your Mom’s care needs are not your issues to solve .
No one has to do either.