My brother and I take care of my mother (92) for the past seven years. I read your forum and always find helpful tips. Her question is "when do I go home," or "what day are we leaving?" We have tried changing the subject, I will take her outside, when it gets to much I will leave the room come back and she goes right back to it. You can tell her she is at home, and as soon as you finish the sentence she will say but when do I go back? If the answer is not what she wants she starts crying. This will go on sometime from the time she get up to the time she goes to bed. Non-stop. Talk to Dr. he has given her meds to maybe calm her down, doesn't work she won't stop talking long enough for it to calm her. Home is where she was born. Sisters, church members other relatives talk to her same questions. We are all at the ends of our rope. If she doesn't start as soon as she gets up at 2:00 pm the questions begin. Does anyone have any advice or solution. It will be appreciated.
Blessings to all.....
I got this electronic through Lynn Greater Senior Services ( our local senior advocates). It was a pilot study and it works wonderful. I don't know if it will work for everyone, but I programmed her to play certain music at certain times of day, set up games, Alexa can read her a short story from her favorite books, and she can ask her anything she wants. If Alexa doesn't have the answer she will tell you she has to look into that.
The one thing I learned from GLSS is to divert a negative conversation or action. If you can't divert the conversation try to go alone as best you can. She doesn't and can not help what she is saying or doing. God bless and hang in there. There is a ton of support for dementia caregivers. I strongly recommend reaching out to them. It will help you stay sane through this journey.
excellent idea!!
With my mother it was "turn me over", which was initially a plea for just that since she couldn't reposition herself, but eventually morphed into an almost constant, nonsensical refrain. It no longer meant she needed repositioning, but it did mean she needed something and I often had to play 20 questions in order to discover what it was.
Your mother sounds crippled by anxiety, instead of trying to rationally meet her need to go home I would be looking for a way to alleviate that. My mom was given mirtazapine to help her sleep at night, it also helped to cut down on "turn me over". That particular medication may not be suitable for your mother but something else may be. Ad please don't think of it as "drugging" her, the constant need to go home is certainly as troubling for her as it is for you.
This disease will progress and it can effect how her body functions- to changing her personality, sundowing etc. Hang in there, your not alone.
Repetitive questioning is the one single aspect of dementia care that I know I could not handle for more than an hour or two a day. You must want to burst into tears.
Teepa Snow is a good resource, you can find her seminars online.
I don't know if this will help, but do adjust your expectations. Your mother WILL ask these questions over and over and over. Your response can try to divert her or reassure her, but nothing will make a difference to her asking, only to how she feels in the present. You can only work on containing or appropriately releasing the unbelievable frustration it must cause to you.
A huge shoulder rub of sympathy to you.
They may miss their LOVED ONES but they won’t miss the disease process unless they are sadistic. Can’t we lay off the sentimental scam and just try to give a helpful answer to help the person get thru the terrible situation they are in?
Although I am not a big fan of medication, sometimes something can help (some can make the issue worse too.) This also may take some trial and error. If it works, it IS useful and I would be on board! Mom has only needed Lorazepam for a UTI she had once - she was OFF the rails every afternoon, well into the evening, the whole time! Nice thing about that med (may apply to other anti-anxiety meds) is that it does not take time to build up in the system and there was no "weaning" off required. First and every dose took about 10-15 minutes, calmed her down and then she would head off to bed at her normal time. Downside is it can be a fall risk, but it never caused her a problem and was the minimal dose.
Mom's repetition of statements or questions was the hint I got that something was amiss. Initially we tried to manage the dementia while she remained in her condo, but refusing to allow the aides in (only a 1 hr med/sanity check!) resulted in looking for a place. It is puzzling how they get stuck on something and can't move past it - I liken it to a scratch in a record, which will keep repeating until you can "bump" it forward. Sometimes a "bump" can work for dementia, sometimes it might take several or different "bumps."
Thankfully all mom's requests to go back to her condo were directed at my younger brother. She never asked me (somewhere in the depth of confusion, I think she knew better!) Nine months after moving into MC, she caught me unaware with "Can you drop me off at Nana's on your way home?" Thinking quick, I looked at my watch, said it was a little late in the day and not exactly on my way, so maybe tomorrow? She said ok (this response leaves the door open - any kind of deferral, such as 'after I do xxxx' or tonight or tomorrow. Most have issues with dates/times, so tomorrow or 'later' is a "positive" response, Mom followed up the 'ok' with 'Do you have a key to the place in {town}, you know, on {street name}, referring to their previous home, which was sold about 23 years before that! She has never mentioned the condo since.
Sometimes when we go to appointments, outside the facility, she will mention going home but when we get there she might say 'Am I staying here tonight?' She has a very vague concept sometimes that this isn't really home, but doesn't often pester me about "home." She does pester the staff about calling her mother and has tagged her mother to that previous address for some reason (it was my parents' home, not her mother's.)
She still gets into the broken record skipping quite often. As annoying as it can be, you have to try to let it slide, tune it out as best you can, try giving a generic response, repeat your response as often as she asks or even just Uh-Huh and attempt to steer her to another task or topic. The "scratch" will reappear, so you just have to be diligent and "bump" it along! Hopefully many of the suggestions will work and perhaps her doc can find the right medication to at least tone it down (bad enough when it is during 'normal' sundowning times, but if she starts this on waking and continues all day??? EEEk, prepare the rubber room.... For ME!)