We visit 4 to 5 times a week. My sister is a nurse along with my daughter and nephew. All check in on them regularly. They are able to take care of themselves. Management has requested to meet with them. When I pressed the issue I was told it was a medical check. Has anyone had experience with this?
How long have they lived in this Independent Living facility?
Are they asking for updated medical information? Like current vaccination status (on any or all vaccinations). Does your area require updated TB testing or a signed document that they have no symptoms?
Have either of your parents, that you are aware of, had any falls? any confusion? (If one is having problems the other may be covering when you or other members of the family visit.)
Did the management request that a family member attend the meeting?
If there is someone that is POA for Health and another for finances I would have them both attend the meeting. If there is any question that one or both should transition to Assisted Living that may involve input form the POA's.
Attend the meeting with an open mind. Keep your cool. Listen first, talk after you have processed what is said.
What many people don't understand is that when elders are renting apartments, the management DOES have a right to inspect the property; if there is hoarding going on, the management has the right to know it and to get the situation remedied. Same goes for bug infestations. Or sick elders living in IL units. Same goes for Assisted Living; if the elder requires TOO much help in AL, that situation is reviewed and in some cases, the elder is asked to leave and go to a Skilled Nursing Facility (or similar) where more care is offered. This is not to 'punish' the elder, but to make sure the elder is kept safe and given the best possible lifestyle for his or her situation.
The management has the right to check on your parents to see how they are living inside their unit and to make the determination if they're fit to stay there, in their estimation.
Also check their lease to see what the parameters are for their continued renewal of the rental term. There may be specific language that discusses such matters in detail.
Good luck.
I would read their lease. I've read from others on this forum that they can have some pretty strict rules about people staying overnight (like if your parent is recovering from a health incident or is requiring an increasing amount of hands-on management). You don't want to get blind-sided by anything at a time of crisis.
AL is not the end of the world, it is just another step to improving their quality of life, more chores done by others, more activities and bonding with seniors of their own age.
Sometimes children do not want to embrace the obvious, clinically trained or not, if they are now unable to really be independent because others are making up for their slack that may be a sign.
I have lived in a 55+ facility and if the contract is for independent living, it means just that! Residents are not legally entitled to accommodations beyond what is offered under the contract. Yes, the building is required to be designed to accommodate the disabled, but facilities legally can not provide special services beyond what they are licensed for. Where we lived, residents were allowed to hire private outside help to come in and provide any special services needed to keep them living independently just as would be done in a private home.
That being said, we saw many families hire services such as medicine reminders, help going to bed and getting up and dressed, etc. which was all that was needed for a while. However since this was only for 2-4 hours a day, gradually neighbors or management began to receive requests for additional help during the other 20 hours a day. An elderly resident helping another elderly resident can lead to unfortunate results.
Keep a very open mind in the meeting especially if it is being called due to concerns. As a visitor, families often miss signs that physical, emotional, mental, or even financial concerns are beginning to develop or progress. Yes, financial too even though you may be managing everything. Residents often give away items or money a bit too freely to others, while others are accepting these "gifts" not realizing when they are inappropriate. While these may never be a concern in your parents case, there are so many signs of decline only those living close to them will notice in the early stages. IF something is going on, it may only require a good physical checkup to diagnose a new problem and treat it properly to help them live there independently for many more years. Think... medication, eyeglass, hearing aid, mobility aids, etc. which may be a simple fix.
Some independent living communities offer extra help such as a shower visit at night. But your parents may require a lot more than that. And your parents may be putting on a good charade of independence in front of family.
Remember that when it comes to our own loved ones, we are often willingly blind or in denial.
And I would inquire as to the medical issues they might raise, and the foundation for those concerns. It's been my experience that lay people think they know more than they do, so it always pays to focus on any area which might be outside the purview of the managers.
I also would emphasize rereading the By-laws and other documents of the complex, and be prepared to ask your own questions. Sometimes you have to do this to balance out issues of focus by the management.
Something else I learned about meetings that could possibly be confrontational or put you on the spot is for you and your siblings NOT to sit together, but to place yourselves around the meeting table so that each of you can watch the Admins, or whoever's conducting the meeting. You'd be amazed how effective that can be in controlling the gist of the meeting, especially if they become hostile.
If there is a POA they should attend this meeting with the couple.
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