My sister is 65 years old and her husband is 66. I know that's not considered aged, but I don't know where else to look for help. I use this site because I take care of our mother who is 87.
Anyway, he has Parkinson's disease and has been doing ok for the past 2 years, but was getting slower. 2 months ago, he had a brain Subarachnoid Hemorrhage and was in the hospital for 3 weeks, then released home as the insurance would not cover rehabilitation. I managed to find him out-patient rehabilitation spot where he was accepted. Her husband is very strong-willed and thinks he can still do everything he used to do and refuses to let her restrict him. They did not have a "healthy" relationship before then as he was always in control of the situation. He had total control of the finances, argued with her about anything she purchased or any place she would go. All was going "ok" but over time my sister has gotten more and more mentally depressed. Her children are trying to help her, but she sees them more as an encumbrance than a help. They say they are helping, but they are very critical of her. I admit that she does have faults, she is a negative person and complains a lot, and she is not the most attentive caregiver. Yesterday was a breaking point for her. Her children tried to do an "intervention" by telling her she was not being nice to her daughter-in-law (which is true) and they thought she needed help. She got very upset and angry and was thinking of ways to kill herself. I convinced her to let the children (in their 30's) take care of her husband and come and stay with me and mom for about a week to get a break. We live in another state. She does not think she needs any mental help, she won't even go to a caregiver support network. She needs to talk to someone and it shouldn't be me or our mother who are invested. I guess what I'm asking is, how should I convince her to get involved with a support group or seek help with a therapist. And then when/if I can, what kind of help should I help her find?
Thanks for your insightful post. I hope the OP returns to update us.
Well done for taking her away to give her a break, and what a good idea for her (and his?) children to take over for a week. Perhaps the experience will suggest ways that they could be some practical help in future, be a little more supportive and less critical. I’m sure that the situation is difficult for everyone, but it sounds that your sister has been bearing the worst of it.
Step back and let her ask for help. If you are in contact with her children, tell them the same thing. At some point, if she realizes she needs help and asks for it, then step back in. Ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves and what happens to us.