She's depressed, lonely, scared! She won't eat right, misses meals, can't sleep, is a horder, at the same time a clean freak germaphobe, is argumentative, a complete family gossip, incapable of learning anything new yet resentful that we all have iPods and new phones, drives when she wants to and at other times has to rely others at her own whim. The list goes on and on. I make frozen homemade meals for her each week (she always has plenty of food); we take her out to eat at least 2-3 times a week; she has a First Alert which I pay for yet she doesn't wear it all the time and hides the remote unit in the bottom of her purse; she will not take ant sleeping pills or antidepressants,she won't do her back exercises for her severe back problems (yet I took her to rehab for three months two times a week); her house and paperwork are out of control (stacks and stacks of junk mail which she has a fit if anyone touches it) . She won't let anyone clean for her and the few times doc the adult grandkids did, she talked incessantly about how bad of a job they did. She never feels good except yet she's not dying of anything and catastrophises every little ache and pain. I take her to all her Dr appt and hear exactly what the Drs say and she'll totally make up a diagnoses when telling someone else (Dr put her on the lowest possible amount of oxygen only at night so she might sleep better and now she tells everyone he said she could die without it! When I say she's negative about everything, I mean everything. She loves being around the great grandkids talking about how sweet, smart and adorable they are. But somehow it all slides into either worry about safety or health (and if course no one is raising their kids as well as she did hers) or she thinks the ones who have working moms are "poor little things not getting the right attention". Her constant companion while at home is Fox News (she hears half of the story and makes up the rest) or The Golden Girls (she loves their hairstyles!). My kids just keep telling me to accept what is and believe me I work on it daily! My mom lost her sister three years ago, then her youngest child, my 8 years younger brother of a sudden heart attack almost 3 years ago, then my dad 18 months ago... So I realize she's had major hits in life. She will never, ever, ever leave the house she and Daddy built and to even bring it up makes her fighting mad. She won't allow help or anyone even coming in part time foray reason. She's starting to forget a lot of things but no where near where we could do anything legally. It's just all so wearing on me and I find myself feeling guilty when I do something for myself. I know it's all going to get worse as she fails and I want so much for these years to be happy for her. After Daddy died she was with me and my husband for6 months. That's another long story...she wasn't happy here yet resented it terribly when she went home. She spends the night with me frequently or with another adult grandchild. No attest what we coif never seems enough.
Your mother is coping admirably with the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" which, you explain, she has had flung at her recently. Your kids are right. In due course your mother will accept the gradual increases in assistance that she needs to stay safely in her own home; and your children will help you to help her find them.
Meanwhile try meditation (seriously, I mean - I'm not being rude or dismissive) to control your own anxiety.