My father has Alzheimer's and it's become non-manageable for our family. My mother is his caregiver and I am an only child and help support the situation. I have reserved a room at a local ALF and it appears that Tuesday will be the move-in day. My mom has never seen the ALF, states she will in no way be helping me, and that she wishes to never again see him once he is gone. Keep in mind that she is 100% behind moving him out of the house (she wants him gone, gone). I am doing this on my own. He will resist when we enter the parking lot. OMG how am I supposed to do this?????????? Any advice from anyone who has done this is much appreciated. It has to be done, we are at the breaking point, and this is a very nice facility where he will have a private room.
"This has all come about very quickly as his condition has deteriorated so rapidly in just a few weeks"
Does your dad know you? I assume there is staff to assist you at the AL?
In your position as sole care taker of both parents I think I would negotiate with your mom that she go to therapy and for a complete physical. I would be looking for her to have more of a reaction than just relief. I wish you had help. I agree not your mom. Take extreme care driving. Eat something sustaining for breakfast and take a walk each morning to beat your anxiety back and be as relaxed as possible. Just a short 10 min will help. 30 would be better. Please come back and let us know how you are all doing.
Steel yourself and start making preparations today. Call his doctor and pharmacist and ask if you can start giving him something to calm him in anticipation of Tuesday. Determine what time of day is best for him to take a drive and make the drive then. Get his room ready Monday night with things he recognizes. Stay in communication with the ALF and let them know on Tuesday morning what time you are departing and what time you expect to arrive.
Take care of yourself. Try to make sure that you sleep, eat well, and avoid alcohol. Go for 30-minute walks and get some alone time. This will be a big adjustment for all of you.
Remember that you are doing what is best for your mother and father and it often hurts. You have my sympathy.
Is dad on any meds for agitation? What are his impairments?
Can you arrange to drive by the ALS today, stop in for a visit Sunday, take a tour and have lunch on Monday, before the move in on Tuesday?
Do you have a friend helping You? Someone who can take dad to breakfast on Tuesday while you move in pictures, a familiar quilt and some knick knacks to make it feel like home?
Is mom's health, both mental and physical being looked after?