Need help with my 96 year old mother. Any advice?
My mother moved in with me a year ago. She used to live alone with a relative living in the first floor apt and her on the second. I agreed to move her in with me a year ago after she got out of rehab due to a fall and a UTI. Now i am on my second leave of absence from my full time job. I am beginning to feel like i made a mistake. A year ago the rehab wouldn't release her back home and said she needed 24 7 care. The social worker suggested assisted living. I didnt want to clean out her savings so i had her move in with me. I got her setup with daycare and a home health aid for a few hours a day but its getting too much to handle. I am a sole caregiver. I cant go out and do the things i used to do without a relative coming over. Its putting tremendous stress on my 3 year relationship with my fiance. I am beginning to think AL is the way to go. She was also diagnosed with vascular dementia. This morning she got herself up at 6am and walked down a flight of stairs herself. Its getting unsafe for her and giving me tremendous stress. Just looking for advice. I know she has to go. Help.
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AL would have been too difficult for her. MC was what she needed.
She was leaving the house, even though she was terrified of her own shadow. There were many more symptoms.
It’s perfectly okay to change directions, now. So many of us made the mistake of thinking that moving our loved ones in would be just as wonderful as all those stories and commercials on tv. Absolutely the opposite, in our case.
It always stuns me when people bad mouth AL or Memory Care Assisted Living, where a senior gets 24 hr care in a luxury setting. We should ALL be so fortunate to be able to afford such accommodations in our old age. Sure, I got no inheritance when mom died, but that was HER money to be used for HER care, and so it was.
Moving an elder into our homes usually leaves us gobsmacked with the level of responsibility involved, not to mention how unsafe it truly is for them, especially with dementia at play.
Don't give it a second thought...find a reputable AL/MC locally and set mom up there so you can take your life back. You'll always be her advocate and there will STILL be tons for you to do on her behalf...trust me on that.
Good luck to you
Do yourself a favor and call A Place for Mom or another company that helps family's find senior care. They work for free (I think they get paid by the senior communities they serve). They will send you listings of communities that fit your Mom's needs. They will help you set up visits to the communities, tell you about the services they offer (meals, outings, etc.), and she will be somewhere she is safe as she begins the dementia process. She will get worse and you don't want to have to move her numerous times. It is much easier than doing the leg work yourself on the internet. Find a number of communities that fit your Mom's needs and take her to see them. Don't wait, don't put it off. You have a life to live.
My mom has dementia and refused to get diagnosed. This has left us (my sister and I) in an awful place and my parents in a worse place. It gets harder each month. They will never be the people they were. Accept that they are in need of help and you can only do so much. Then tell her gently that you need to get her more help and that things will get better. Then take care of yourself and your mental well being.
I so wish you better luck than I have had. I hope she is agreeable to looking at senior communities, my parents refused. Take care of yourself, it's a long road. Best of luck, sending love.