Dad is in convalescent home recovering from getting pacemaker and sister and I are unable to provide care at this level. We have no idea how to find him a permanent home. He has good insurance, or so we keep being told, but no one will provide any information on getting help!
He's only 74 but much older health-wise. He's also a big guy - 6'4" (or used to be) and probably about 350lbs. So my sister and I are just not able to bring him home if he can't care for himself. He owns his home and has some savings and insurance so it makes no sense that none of the professionals can offer us any advice on what happens after he is discharged within the next month or so.
We're at a loss... Any information is appreciated!!
I also think my dad is finally realizing how serious his condition is too. He's finally calmed down enough to broach selling the house. It's also spurred him on to take his PT more seriously and hopefully he can get some strength back.
He's out of diapers and is able to use the bedside toilet with assistance from the staff.
One weird thing my sister told me when I visited last night is they refuse to give him his prescription pain pills. I don't know why that would be, but she's started sneaking one to him every day, which may be why he's suddenly able to tolerate the knee pain and walk a little. Is it normal to deny patients their pain medication?!
At least this gives us a little time to make other arrangements. I was a mess when I first came here... everyone has been so kind and helpful!! I'm feeling more hopeful that we'll be able to get in-home care or get him to accept he needs more care than that.
If he does get strong enough to come home, I'm going to insist my sister stop feeding him junk and see if we can get him down 100 lbs.
As for his insurance policy... my mom took care of that and we always assumed he'd go first since he's been in bad shape for years. But she seemed to think there would be some type of partial payment for increased care because she'd say with the insurance and dad's pension, they could just afford a basic place - though nothing fancy. I'll have to go through the paperwork and see what I can find.
CA is one of the "filial" states, which relates more to laws regarding children being responsible for paying for care, but likely relates to ensuring the parents have a safe place to go and will be cared for as well, not really in doing the hands-on care. THIS may be why they keep telling you that it is your (you and sister) responsibility.
This is a distinct possibility. It is not the doctors' job, per se, to find a place for him, especially if he is still competent (aka no dementia.) One would think a competent Social Worker could provide assistance in how to find a place/help, but who knows how competent this person is?
Now, since he wants/insists on going home, they may well send him there. If they set him up for discharge and no one shows up to pick him up, what will they do, send him home in a cab? I don't think a cabbie would take to assisting a large man in/out of his cab with a wheelchair and then help him into the home!!!
One question that hasn't really been addressed is whether you have any POA (medical/financial.) Keep in mind please that NEITHER of these gives you the right or power to make him move into any facility OR to accept aides to help him at home. Everyone (here and there) telling you to find a place needs to understand that CaliSisters have no more right to make him do this than we on this forum do. The POAs ARE important for going forward for various issues, but the current situation does NOT fall under the POA umbrella. Even with dementia, we were told by the EC attorney that our POAs did not allow us to "drag her out of the house" when she was refusing to consider a facility. POAs allow you to make decisions about many things, but generally only after certain conditions apply. Dad isn't incompetent, so even with these you can't force him to a facility OR to accept in-home care.
Also, if you have no access to his finances/financial standing/income, how would you know if he could afford either in-home care or a facility? How would you know if he qualifies for Medicaid, or MediCal in your case? This is a situation where an Elder Care attorney could help, however without POA AND dad's buy in, this isn't going to happen (his assets should pay the costs.)
ArtistDaughter also says "Since he wants to go home, you could hire care givers in his home. Of course he has to be on board with this idea in order to pay them."
If he isn't agreeable to hiring help, then what? This discussion should be had between him and you and the Social Worker. Clearly he is a large man and the SW should understand that physically you can't do it, and should work with him to get him to accept other arrangements.
You *might* be able to get a aide service to do an assessment prior to hiring (don't sign anything yourself!!) They assessed mom first, before arranging anyone to come in. She told me that Medicare (NOT Medicaid, Medicare) would cover X number of hours/week IF she needed help with personal care in addition to other care, like med management. Mom refused any help like that, so we never used it and I don't know all the details. The assessment DID get charged to Medicare. At the very least, you would have someone/documentation to back you up on the needs!
IF they send him home without any arrangements, the best you can do is check on him, ensure he has food and supplies, etc, but shortly it will likely become an issue (if he needs help getting to bathroom, cleaning himself, getting in/out of bed or wheelchair, feeding himself, etc.), so I would likely contact APS or whoever (have heard they are sometimes useless) BEFORE they release him and let them know the situation - discharge with no plans and the man needs help that you CANNOT physically provide.
Also the local adult family services services should be of done help
The social worker where your father is should be of some help
Do something ASAP time is passing and he will be discharged
The attorney will help with getting finances in place
Do you have power of attorney for medical and financial
Does he have a Will
Does have any kind of medical directive
Where is he now
Do not take him home he may not be happy but stand strong
However he passed after going into the hospital and then we had to move our mother to a NH, which was the hardest day of my life, but 24 hour care is what she needed due to Alzheimer's.
I wish I could have taken care of her but that would mean leaving my full time job, never sleeping and constant care as she was incontinent. She only slept in 15 minute intervals and would roam all day and night. So not an option as it could go on for years.
Anyway your first job is to get all the info on Dad's condition from the CH. Then you will be able to see better where you can go from there.
First I'd call your fathers Insurance company and see what they do and don't cover just to be on the safe side especially if it's not a long term care insurance.
Then try http://www.aging.ca.gov and start asking questions they'll either know or be able to point you in the right direction hopefully.
Seems no one ever wants to tell the Caregivers anything to help us, it's always some big hidden secret of where to go and who to call in the medical industry.
Do you have POA? Does your sister?
It sounds like your father is not on board with your decision to place him in long term care. If he is deemed competent, his decision counts over yours. If not competent you will need to apply for guardianship which requires two physicians to evaluate him and declare him mentally incompetent, coupled with attorney fees and court time that you or your dad will pay for out of his resources. (Worst case scenario).
What’s the plan to get him there?
Rehab will not be keeping him much longer. He had a pacemaker insert and has obesity and difficulty walking.
He wants to go home. His level of acuity & his own self progress at rehab will determine how long he is there. He will soon need to be transferred or discharged as rehab can use his bed for another acute case.
You can’t stay in rehab for long with that diagnosis and level of acuity.
So- two options ....spend down his assets and have him apply for Medicaid & place him in a NH, don’t wait to apply for Medicaid, just be a private pay in a NH to do his Medicaid spend down, or in the interim use his assets to pay for in home care until his money is gone. He’ll need to spend his money on his care which means his house must be sold to pay Medicaid if applicable. Don’t you or your sister sign any forms that make you responsible for his bill.
Medicare doesn’t pay for long term care. Usually supplemental insurance will not cover the entire cost either but that is for you to confirm by calling his supplemental provider & asking.
Sounds like your poor sister needs a break. Do you live close to them? You’re going to have to take over for your sister for awhile as she sounds at wit’s end.
I hope your father improves!
You have 2 courses you may take...keep him in his home with more paid caregivers or nursing home placement, as he sounds like he may be passed the assisted living option. Either way you need to start calling around local agencies to understand their services and costs, and visiting nursing homes in your area. The rehab place is not going to do that for you. You have to do the legwork. Once the course of action is decided, you tell them where he’s going and they send his records. (I guess the 3rd option is tell them he’s an unsafe discharge, do nothing else, and let the chips fall where they may)
Do either you or your sister have POA? That may make the future a little easier paperwork-wise, for accessing his savings, paying his bills and selling the house.
You CAN NOT handle a 350 lb cranky old man. (My father was abusive verbally and physically especially in his old age, especially with family that's trying to take care of him!) But you need to advise the social workers/doctors of that fact and that if they send him home in his condition they are ultimately responsible if anything happens to him. The most you can do is check up on him and after that you could call and ask for a wellness check up so the authorities can get involved. IT'S NOT your fault/responsibility. He really should go to an assisted living facility and you can visit him there everyday. Maybe after explaining this to the socila worker they can speak to him and explain why you CAN NOT PHYSICALLY do this (emotionally too). and also call those nursing homes VISIT them with his insurance and see what they have to offer... Praying for you in this situation. W
As you say, the guy is only 74. He's young enough for his life to be turn-aroundable.
Have you considered finding a different kind of rehab for him? Supposing he lost a hundred pounds, had his knee(s) sorted out, and underwent therapy - just say.
Pin down those health insurance details and find out what's possible.
He's not a veteran by any chance, is he?
Does he need live-in care, actually? Or does he prefer to be waited on? It's not quite the same thing.
Next discussion that comes up: the aim of rehab has changed. Your father cannot be discharged home until he is able to function either alone, or with an agreed package of care. There is NO ONE else living in his home, they must amend whatever records they have that state otherwise. It would be an "unsafe" discharge (use that word). Make sure everyone has that written down.
I must sound very unsympathetic to your father, but I don't mean to be. I'm guessing that he was helpless when he lost your mother, that he's done nothing to address his bereavement, that he is not the best or most compliant cardiology patient ever?
The man needs and deserves a wide range of support; but that does not make you responsible for doing it. He's got good insurance - about time he started using it, eh.
I'm just curious - who *are* these health professionals who keep browbeating your sister and you about your duties?!
Our father really is in bad shape, mostly due to his weight I believe. Plus he's always been a big baby. And it's literally been everyone who is telling us it's our duty to provide all his care! From his MD to cardiologist... as well as every member of the staff at this home! He was actually in here before and they forced us to take him home and he's been so bad he's been unable to go to any appointments and is only out of the house because he was having trouble breathing and my sister called an ambulance.
You need the name and policy number of your father's health insurer. Go to their website and find out what cover he has and whether they have a list of approved suppliers.
How much have you and your sister habitually had to do with your father, from day to day? Has it been becoming a problem over time?