I never really pushed having a POA because I'm on all her bank accounts and her Mobile home. By the time she moved in with me she had already had several small strokes, and was losing her ability to make decisions. I questioned whether she would understand or fight me. So I never pursued it. Mom had the presence of mind to pre plan and pay for her funeral service. This was back in 1995 she bought her casket, and made arrangements for her funeral up in the city where she lived before moving in with me. Her paperwork says it has been paid for since 2004.. Now, fast forward, she passed away in Feb of this year. Since I do not have a POA, the funeral home had to send out Affidavits to her three surviving kin to allow me to finalize her final plans. Well, they are all in their 80s. It's been a month and we are still waiting for one more to be returned. I'm so done at this point. Just bury her as she asked for. Then my husband and I GET to drive 300 miles to finalize her plans, then drive 300 miles again for her service. So confused.
What's the funeral home's premise for delaying resolution, inflicting emotional distress and prolonging your grief? i'd suggest reading the contract and respond from a position of knowledge, compassion, courage and stength. i like jeannegibbs' suggested conversation -- toss the onus on them to respond to you in the reasonable/responsible manner she led. One would think it to be in their fiduciary interests and reputation to proceed promptly. i'm so sorry this is so very unnessarily prolonged. By the way, i was never asked by the FH nor the cemetary if i had POA. All they wanted was a check. i'm so sorry for your loss ~ stay strong, ok? God bless ~ crickett33
* If your step mom already has a preneed plan in place, then that's what must be, especially if it's been long since paid off before now and you have the paperwork proving it. If she was making payments for her funeral, And she had it arranged through preneed where the funeral home is actually the owner of the policy, then chances are we would most likely be making her payments to another party who provides the policies. This would be called a funeral policy, and you would make your arrangements with the funeral home but make your payments to the policy provider. Hopefully your step mom saved all of her receipts for every payment she made on her funeral arrangements, because she would have gotten a letter from the policy provider which acts as a receipt. All of those receipts should be put with your funeral policy when you make your pre-need arrangement through the funeral home. That way, there's even more proof that the policy was actually paid off. Setting aside some money for grave opening and closing is also a very smart move because you're going to need to cover the cost of opening and closing.
If the entire cost of the field role was already paid off and you have proof of it, you can show this to the funeral home handling your mom's arrangements. If the funeral home wants to contest it, you can always take your concerns to the your state's funeral board as well as the Federal Trade Commission. Buyer beware that there are some corrupt funeral homes out there, which is why there are resources available if you have a problem. This is why you need to save all the proof that funeral arrangements were actually paid off well in advance, because if you ever have to approach the Federal Trade Commission or the state funeral board, you're going to need copies of proof of all of that paperwork. What you'll want to do is approach both parties so in case you have a problem with the state funeral board, the Federal Trade Commission has the last say in the matter, and they can actually make it right. The reason why I mention that there are corrupt funeral homes out there is because there really are. If you search Google, you'd be surprise of all of the nightmare stories out there where families were horrified by bad practices by crooked funeral homes. Not every funeral home out there is honest, which is why I warn you, buyer beware. When making your funeral arrangements, never pay the funeral home directly. Instead, make your arrangements through the funeral home of your choice, and pay the policy provider after making the funeral home the policy owner. That way, all of your payments are put into a trust for you. By setting up your arrangements this way, your arrangements are not counted as an asset should you need Medicaid.
For the FH, policy done in the 1990's likely will cost them $ to carry out as per contract. They want you there in person to basically have you captive for an upsale. If the preneed contact also included all burial costs and headstone as well, they are totally loosing any profit ever made on the sale of the preneed. My mom has a 1980's preneed done and when I went to review a few months before she died (she was on hospice, bedfast in a NH and basically in countdown to death), I went line by line over the existing contract....many many things that were free back then now had cost. Like police escort & funeral holy cards. Floral was included but now the FH did not have a florist / flower shop so rhey would have to pay extra for the spray & stands done as per the preneed. All the pallbearers on both moms initial list and her updated list a decade before she died were either dead or themselves too frail BUT pallbearers could be "rented" & added to initial costs by FH. And there was now a separate cemetary fee & outside contractor cost to open & reseal the mausoleum (which was totally paid for in the 1980's). The added costs were more than the original policy.
Once the last octogenarian sends back their paperwork, FH has to carry out terms of contract. So do you need to be & want to be there for funeral, burial, etc? If not, send FH a certify letter with return registered card (both from the USPO & under $ 8.00 for combo) that you fully expect the terms of the preneed to be carried out as written once the last sign off is done. If so, then decide if you want to pay additional costs, how much and maintain firm on this with the FH.
Some states have a Disposition of Final Remains form that allows someone to designate their decision maker, if more than one person has legal standing, or if there is anexception to that standing.
This is done in advance.
Your problem is not about legalities, it is between you and the funeral home:
FH: You will have to come here and finalize details.
You: I am not responsible for the funeral arrangements. I understand that Mother made arrangements as she wanted them, and paid for it. Please proceed on that basis.
FH: Yes, but that was back in the 1990s. What is available has changed since then and we want to be sure your family will be comfortable with the arrangements. There are also some papers to sign, etc.
You: I am willing to have a phone conference at a pre-set time to listen to your suggestions. I am not driving 300 miles to hear them in person. Mother's plans are perfectly comfortable for all of us.
FH: This can be an emotional subject and we prefer not to do it other the phone.
You: Then you'll have to proceed without my input. Up to one hour on the phone, yes. A 300 mile trip for planning? No. That is what I'm willing to do. It is your decision how to proceed on that basis.
FH: But there are many papers to sign.
You: Put them all in a package and FedEx them to me. I am not driving 300 miles to sign papers.
And so on. The funeral home is a business. Of course they want an opportunity to sell you additional items and services. And of course they want to do it on their terms. You can't really blame them for trying to increase their profit and they picked you as their "customer."
But don't be bullied by them. Do what you feel is prudent and appropriate, including how you use your time.
And POA does not apply after the principle's death. It has nothing to do with funeral arrangements. This is a commercial transaction between a vendor and a "customer."
Google: "California Intestacy laws", click on the second hit which should be an article on inheritance under an intestate situation.
Read the article to understand how assets are disposed of, then scroll down to "Learn More", and click on "How an Estate is Settled if there's no Will: Intestate Succession." The second major section "Who's in Charge", provides a bit of information as well as a link to an article titled "If there's no will, who's the Executor?"
These articles will explain the situation and process in more detail. At that point, you'll need to refer to California law, but the easiest way without getting lost in the complexities is to call the Probate Court for the county in which you live and ask how to get an administrator (if needed, depending on the assets and how they're titled), appointed for someone who died intestate.
Before doing that though, ask the court clerk if wills are required to be filed in your county in CA, and ask if a will was filed for the specific person who died. If so, that addresses the issue of who's responsible for administering the estate/