Neighbor 83 living alone, and daughter is to busy to visit. I called about 6 months ago because her car wasn't home for 2 days just checking to see if she was ok. My husband and I live at 55+ apartment community. I have brought her food on different occasions, trimmed her bushes, brought in groceries for her since she moved in 2 yrs. ago. She keeps coming up to us on our porch and screaming don't call me again. Calling me noisy, calling my husband snoopy(can't hardly walk which she said poor (his name) can't walk repeating it ugly tone, pointing her finger at her head and telling him she forgot he ain't all there. This all started 3 weeks ago. Seems like some dementia since she is 83. We have tried not speaking and speaking. She walks her dog in front of us every morning. Noticed she wouldn't speak after I called 6 months ago but didn't think about that making her mad. Just kept helping her and bringing food over. We always said good morning to each other when she walked by. Now she says "Good Morning" everyday rudely, walks her dog and comes back doing her name calling and saying "do not call me again". We tell her we will stay here and she can stay on her side. Yes ma'am. She just won't stop ignoring her or speaking good morning. Need some guidance please!
Its so good of you to help your 83 year old neighbor. Its not your fault she is being rude now. I know its easier said than done, but don't take it too personally. I think you are right and maybe she is suffering from something. What if she is not taking her meds properly? Or not eating or drinking enough? Or there is some dementia as well. Sorry to hear her daughter doesn't visit but if you fear for her well being, I would call Adult Protective Services to check on her welfare. Don't be afraid to involve a social worker. It won't hurt to have an outside person check on her to show her that maybe she needs more help and living alone is not an option anymore.
Also, if they deem the neighbor cannot or should not be living on her own, they can then contact someone to check on her and evaluate her.
What she is doing is harassment, regardless of her physical condition. While I laud your attempts at making her life better (food, etc) - perhaps it would be better if you curtail your efforts. Leave her bushes alone and stop bringing her food.
God forbid she dies and someone accuses you of poisoning her. Or harassing her. You really don't need the extra grief.
She may have a UTI, which can cause psychiatric symptoms in elders. You don't have her daughter's phone number, do you?
Can you avoid being on your porch at the time she usually walks her dog? This is not a permanent solution, but perhaps it would minimize the conflict for now.
This sort of supports the theory that no good deed goes unpunished, doesn't it?
If it continues ( especially if it escalates) then you may need to speak to the police. If you are answering back, it's an argument. If she is doing all the rough talking, then it's considered harassment.
I'm sure it's unpleasant. If she is predictable on when she is going to walk by, maybe you can avoid her?
My aunts neighbor was visiting aunt one day and started speaking gibberish. Aunt called neighbors daughter. Neighbor was angry with aunt for a long time for the call. Didn't want her daughters to know. Relationships carry responsibilities that aren't always easy to manage. You sound like a good neighbor. She might need medical care she isn't getting.
Does the over-55s community have some sort of administrator or residents' committee you could approach discreetly for advice?
My mom has Alzheimer's. When she lived alone, her behavior was getting more bizarre. She literally became the crazy old lady on the block. Everyone starting calling me; the police, the neighbors, relatives, etc. Every one kept telling me "I had to do something about mom". Sounds like its daughters time to step in.
Also if she keeps coming on your porch yelling at you. Call the police, tell them you are concerned about the neighbor. That way they have a record.
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