Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You say in your profile that mom is living in Independent Living. Yet your question leads me to believe you are either living with her or she is living with you. If YOU are living with her MOVE OUT. She is an adult if she is competent, and in your profile you do not indicate she has dementia then she can figure things on her own. If SHE is living with you then give her a move out date and stick to it. she can find Assisted Living facility or Independent Living facility to move into. Or a condo or apartment. Anyplace but WITH you. If she is indeed living in Independent Living facility let her live independently, that means without your help.
Back off. By now you must realize your mother is not a "fuzzy" "TV mom". She gave birth to you and it sounds pretty much that is as far as it went. Some people are not able to form bonds, relationships. This is THEIR make up not yours. Stop supporting your mom, do not prop her up with help. She may stumble and fail but this is her failure not yours. You can refer her to resources that can help but let her do the legwork in getting the help. One appreciates accomplishments much more when it is done by oneself.
I am a live-in caregiver for my mother but always felt as strangers just living together, i have tried building a relationship with her but she refuses. I have no friends, no family, and no support system. It is betting difficult to cope living in tension and silence all day long. What do i do???
Get her out of your house & your care; it's time to live apart now; that is my suggestion to you. Break away from this dysfunctional dynamic going on and live your OWN life. Disease sets in when there is chronic anxiety & stress going on! Find her another place to live; a small apartment in subsidized senior housing, or something along those lines.
Then join a book club, a gym, a dating service, make friends that way, once you have autonomy again. It's hard to do that when you're tethered down to caring for a mother who is treating you poorly!
Per your profile: "I've cared for my mother (80, living in Independent Living) financially since I was 14yrs, but we've always been two strangers living together I have tried building a relationship as mother and daughter but she refuses what do i do? She expresses her hatred towards me and says mean things. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety ptsd and have ovarian cancer. It is getting difficult doing it by myself. I have no family friends or support system please help."
Your question is a bit confusing, to be honest. But based on your profile info, I'll give you my opinion: I had a mother who I could never be friends with, no matter how hard I tried. It was just one of those things. I loved her but I didn't like her, and I honestly feel like she felt the same way about me. Oil & water, we were, she & I. We can't force people to like us or to have strong bonds or good relationships with, you know what I mean? Your mother is mean; she treats you poorly. Why are you jumping thru fiery hoops to build a relationship with someone who doesn't WANT one to begin with? Because she's your mother? Some mother's weren't cut out to BE mothers; they were the woman who gave birth to us and that's where the nurturing stopped. It is what it is, too, and not something that can be changed.
My suggestion to you, based on what you've said in your profile, is to stop trying. Stop paying your mother's way in life. You say she is living in 'Independent Living' but then say you 'are two strangers living together.' If you are indeed living in the same space, it's time to live apart now; that is my suggestion to you. Break away from this dysfunctional dynamic going on and live your OWN life. Disease sets in when there is chronic anxiety & stress going on! Find her another place to live; a small apartment in subsidized senior housing, or something along those lines.
Stop trying to be friends with a cactus that you know is going to pinch you & draw blood every time you touch it. This doesn't make you an unlovable person; it makes HER an unlovable person with some sort of deficit. Try to move on with your own life & see to your own health issues now. Seek help for your PTSD and depression and take care of YOU. You deserve to. You are a child of God and as such, you are perfect, regardless of what your mother may tell you or how she may perceive you.
Wishing you all the best with the rest of your life, my friend
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can only change YOU.
Might you be enabling this?
Could you give us an example?
Or, did she move out of her Assisted Living facility into your home?
Or?
Clarifying this will allow us to assist you better.
Yet your question leads me to believe you are either living with her or she is living with you.
If YOU are living with her MOVE OUT. She is an adult if she is competent, and in your profile you do not indicate she has dementia then she can figure things on her own.
If SHE is living with you then give her a move out date and stick to it. she can find Assisted Living facility or Independent Living facility to move into. Or a condo or apartment. Anyplace but WITH you.
If she is indeed living in Independent Living facility let her live independently, that means without your help.
Back off.
By now you must realize your mother is not a "fuzzy" "TV mom". She gave birth to you and it sounds pretty much that is as far as it went.
Some people are not able to form bonds, relationships. This is THEIR make up not yours.
Stop supporting your mom, do not prop her up with help. She may stumble and fail but this is her failure not yours.
You can refer her to resources that can help but let her do the legwork in getting the help. One appreciates accomplishments much more when it is done by oneself.
Then join a book club, a gym, a dating service, make friends that way, once you have autonomy again. It's hard to do that when you're tethered down to caring for a mother who is treating you poorly!
"I've cared for my mother (80, living in Independent Living) financially since I was 14yrs, but we've always been two strangers living together I have tried building a relationship as mother and daughter but she refuses what do i do? She expresses her hatred towards me and says mean things. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety ptsd and have ovarian cancer. It is getting difficult doing it by myself. I have no family friends or support system please help."
Your question is a bit confusing, to be honest. But based on your profile info, I'll give you my opinion: I had a mother who I could never be friends with, no matter how hard I tried. It was just one of those things. I loved her but I didn't like her, and I honestly feel like she felt the same way about me. Oil & water, we were, she & I. We can't force people to like us or to have strong bonds or good relationships with, you know what I mean? Your mother is mean; she treats you poorly. Why are you jumping thru fiery hoops to build a relationship with someone who doesn't WANT one to begin with? Because she's your mother? Some mother's weren't cut out to BE mothers; they were the woman who gave birth to us and that's where the nurturing stopped. It is what it is, too, and not something that can be changed.
My suggestion to you, based on what you've said in your profile, is to stop trying. Stop paying your mother's way in life. You say she is living in 'Independent Living' but then say you 'are two strangers living together.' If you are indeed living in the same space, it's time to live apart now; that is my suggestion to you. Break away from this dysfunctional dynamic going on and live your OWN life. Disease sets in when there is chronic anxiety & stress going on! Find her another place to live; a small apartment in subsidized senior housing, or something along those lines.
Stop trying to be friends with a cactus that you know is going to pinch you & draw blood every time you touch it. This doesn't make you an unlovable person; it makes HER an unlovable person with some sort of deficit. Try to move on with your own life & see to your own health issues now. Seek help for your PTSD and depression and take care of YOU. You deserve to. You are a child of God and as such, you are perfect, regardless of what your mother may tell you or how she may perceive you.
Wishing you all the best with the rest of your life, my friend