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(please may I have some water or a drink) I got upset with him the other day when he said he didn't have to say these niceties and told him I was his wife NOT his slave and saying please would not kill him. Was I right to do this? Should I treat him like a child and ask him what the magic word is before I get him something to drink.

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After a stroke, behaviors can change and not always for the better. Easier said than done, but try not to take what he says personally.I've seen some of the nicest people turn into a completely different human being after a stroke.This is very upsetting to the family,it's a very emotional thing to deal with.Contact the rehab facility he came from and see if they have a support group for families, you need someone to talk to that is in your situation, don't try to deal with this by yourself.
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What are his cognitive deficits?
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