After my mom died, my dad did not want to live alone. It was understood that it's my obligation to have him live with me. He uses a walker and doesn't go anywhere. I've been taking care of his needs, i.e., food, medicines, living supplies, paperwork, etc. I'm in my 50's and have been very happy living alone by choice. If I didn't bring him in, it would have have looked bad for me. I've already raised a child, been married twice and never really asked my parents for anything since I left home 35 years ago. I'm starting to feel resentful and I don't look forward to spending time in my home anymore. I really wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't shake it.
Your father may be happier if he lived in an AL or NH. He may have a fear of them because of the way they were run in the past. He may need socializing with other elderly people just to get the ball rolling.
Look out for the bus you are going to get thrown under on this site. I can here it coming already. But make the right decision for you as well as your father. And you better have a thick skin. Take care
2 years ago he fell and hasn't been able to be at home since. Obviously he wants to come home, but that would mean he'd be calling us at all hours to help him. We refuse to let him go home unless he has 24/7 care, which is very expensive. We could let him live with one of us, but he would just take over our households (if our marriages survived) and make our lives the living hell that he made them when we lived at home.
He is in a nursing home...his mind fully functional, his legs not. No matter what we do to try and make his life easier, he complains about what we didn't do. If he wants to get out for an afternoon, he wants us to take him to the bar for drinks, and we don't go there. So then he gets angry that we won't do what he wants. Trying to set barriers and boundaries sometimes works, but not consistently...and he always *tries* to get around them.
People who think that taking care of a parent is a joy and privilege....you are lucky that you had parents who treated you in such a way that you feel that way. Not everyone was so fortunate. It's taken me most of my adult life to work through the damage done by this person, just being involved with his care puts me in situations where I have to relive the brutality of his rule. Hard to imagine what that would be like if I had to live with him again and take care of him every day.
Best wishes as you figure out what will work best for you.
Believe me, on this one you are never ever going to please everyone. Can't be done. So decide who is important enough that his or her opinion should guide your actions. Personally, I'd pick you and your opinions!
The "great and honorable thing" to do would be for those same friends and family members to give you some practical help instead of a lot of hot air. Is this sense of obligation coming from your family members? If so, it sounds like they are using emotional blackmail to keep you where you are so that they can avoid doing anything.
I don't know why some people continue to try on this site to compare raising a child to taking care of an aging, decline parent?
I'm confident that you will decide what is best. Take care and have a good day.
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