How have others approached asking a loved one who currently is of sound mind about granting Power of Attorney? My step-father is getting ready to have surgery, and I really feel as if there needs to be a document granting POA to me or my husband.
This issue has arisen a couple of times before, and it's a little complicated as my step-father lives with my husband and me but has a biological daughter who lives seven hours away. Because of proximity and day-to-day caregiving duties, we are far more familiar with his routines, doctors, medical issues. However, that old saying "blood runs thicker than water" has certainly reared its head a time or two since my mother's death.
There is a will in place...but no POA has been designated. My step-father also assumes that his telling me in an ER that he wants a DNR will suffice if that issue comes up. I really wish he would formalize everything, but I'm not sure how to broach it without sounding morbid...or making him think I'm trying to get into his finances (even though I am on all accounts but one savings account).
Help!
The hospital will have him sign a time-limited form before he goes into surgery, which will give you the power to speak for his wishes about medical treatment. That's NOT POA and if something goes wrong, getting bills paid will be very difficult. Talking to his insurance company will be difficult.
There are two different issues here, one medical and one financial. He needs to get himself to an attorney and have both forms prepared.
I trust that he is paying room and board and that you have a legal agreement about that?
Be straight with your step-dad: "Step-dad, I've made an appointment with an attorney for you next week so that you can get your important paperwork in order before the surgery. This is for my peace of mind should something happen that requires someone to make medical decisions for you. Hubby and I have paid for this consultation for you. Please consider it a gift."
If he refuses or makes his biological daughter his POA, then you and your husband know where you stand. If blood being thicker than water has reared its ugly head already, it will only get worse.
Might be a good way to get the conversation started.
I don't think they'll take him into surgery without a directive, either advanced or signed by him the day of surgery. Just explain to him that you're trying to get ahead of the paperwork, and you're "hoping for the best, but need to plan for the worst."
The lawyer also talked to my dad about all this, including having him sign both a health care advanced directive (which includes DNR wishes so no one has to decide for him, he already said) and a financial POA.
Since you mentioned your biological sister-in-law living seven hours away, I'll add that the lawyer my mom hired said it's always best to put whoever is closest as POA first, because sometimes decisions need to be made quickly. My sister lives two and a half hours away, so when my dad signed the POA, my mom is first, I'm her backup, and my sister is my backup, should it come to that.
I don't know if any of that helps, but that's my very recent experience.
I agree; "unexpected" is a much better word choice than "worst."
Maybe this approach talking about someone else will make it easier to have the discussion. There are plenty of people on this site telling about the disasters that happened when documentation was not in place. Let these caretaker 'friends' provide you with sources for your story.
In advance, talk w/his daughter to share your concerns so she won't say later on that you were trying to exclude her. It is possible for both of you to be listed as sharing the responsibility to make it easier for her to help you work this out
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