Once again, one of my family members (this time my grand-niece, versus my brother two years ago) is outright, and VOCALLY threatening to report me to Adult Protective Services because our house, that I share with my soon to be 90 year old Mom, that I'm a caregiver for with POA, is not in pristine clean condition. Granted, it does need a good bit of TLC, but we're not hoarders and it's NOT unsafe, either! I need to also mention that I, myself, am disabled (legally since 2004, but have been chronically ill for MANY years prior) and both of my conditions prevent me from doing a lot of the work that needs to be done. Btw, I've hired a cleaning lady who comes every Tuesday.
That being said, can I be "found guilty" of elder abuse just because the house isn't clean? My mom (who has moderate, leaning now towards serious Alzheimer's) is being WELL taken care of, fed on a regular basis, meds given per her doctor's instructions, goes to both her Internist and Neurologist on a regular basis, kept clean, entertained, etc., etc., etc.!!!
The threat ALONE is stressing me out and aggravating, exacerbating my own chronic pain, so any answer (good or bad) would be greatly appreciated! THANK YOU!!!
I worked for Visiting Nurses. We had a couple living in a trailer that was dirty. The hall was just big enough to get a wheelchair down let alone turn it into a room. The man had dropped the phone many times because it was just within reach. Mr head nurse felt it was a dangerous situation and called APS. They found nothing wrong.
Don't think u have anything to worry about.
https://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2017/06/alzheiemrs-care-best-alzheimers-caregiver-tool-of-them.html
A repeating stuffed toy?!? Sounds crazy, I know, but your mom might really take to it. Worth a shot.
I am so sorry that your family is being so awful to you. A little help would go so far in this situation.
As long as your mom is safe and cared for they don't care how you live. I would welcome them and ask them to guide you to any/all services for mom and you.
There is assistant that most of us don't even know about, this is the perfect time to ask for a list of resources.
Tell your great niece that she could actually do something to help instead of flapping her gums with threats and criticism.
Hugs for all you do!
PS: my mom is a hoarder, literally paths through things and I was told that they are not there to look at housekeeping. It is about safety and wellbeing. I think it is unsafe but they made it crystal clear that people have the right to live like they want. So don't worry about your home being lived in, they see horrific conditions and know the difference.
Please don't give up on finding some "you" time! Maybe have the cleaning person come every other week, and use that money to hire someone for an hour or two. Check out the local senior center for activities your mom might like, find her a ride or drop her off, and go get your nails done. ;-)
P.S. Is your profile picture of you and your mom? It makes me smile!
My mom ABSOLUTELY WON'T even consider, much less GO to the senior center for ANYTHING WHATSOEVER unless I'm there with her, so SO MUCH for any "me" time in THAT regard, sorry to say. And, besides, her memory/ahlzeimers has progressed/REgressed SO badly that she WOULDN'T be able to participate in even the simplest of activities, I'm afraid.... but THANK YOU for the suggestion/s!!!
Anyway, after talking to our mom and us separately, the APS representative could tell that our mom was happy and was in no way neglected. Most of our meeting was then about safety tips. Medical alert system, handrails, trip hazard, smoke alarms, etc. BTW... Check your smoke alarm batteries before they come. ;-)
If your home is dirty to the point of being a health hazard, they may take notice, but with a cleaning person coming once per week, I can't imagine that is the case. Since you are disabled, they may question you about your ability to care for your mom: Are you physically able to assist her if necessary?
On a separate note: I would also suggest that you need a break once in a while. Caring for someone with moderate to severe AD is a 24/7 job! So... If it's possible, try to bring in someone to help both you and your mom.
Lastly, YES!!! Caring for her IS MOST CERTAINLY a 24/7 proposition, but I have NO OTHER CHOICE but to do so since I have (OBVIOUSLY) NO familial support WHATSOEVER!
Thanks again!!!
My response to my grand niece would be, you could always come and help. Love people who start trouble but aren't willing to help make things better.
I don't think u have anything to worry about. They have to investigate. I would though, not have any contact with this niece. You can bann her from ur home saying that her abuse is causing you stress which in turn causes u pain.