So this grandmother urinating in paper cups/jars thing is still disturbing me and I know I can’t do anything about it right now (she does not have a choice in this whatsoever and she has severe Myositis and is in a wheelchair) and she declines to use female urinal, sterile jar etc and has to urinate in a VERY non sanitary coffee cup out in her freaking kitchen. Now, she keeps these cups in her bedroom (which has to be downstairs in the old dining room) and it’s starting to anger me. Should they be kept somewhere else??
She is obviously defecating somewhere and is keeping that out of site. I would ask her or grandpa where that is and then try and figure out why she can't or won't urinate there also.
I would keep the clean cups wherever they are easiest for her to reach.
This is a difficult situation, but there are solutions to helping the situation not be gross. Maybe a spray bottle with a bleach and water mixture at the sink to sterilize the surface after she dumps, no wiping needed, just a good spritz. It doesn't need to be strong, a tablespoon in a 32oz spray bottle would keep the odor down and not create a noxious bleach smell.
Please try not to be angry with Grandma. She's probably doing the best she can with her limited faculties. When you discuss this with her, please try to engage in a one on one conversation from a supportive problem solving point of view. The preferred coffee cup or paper cups probably have some "feature" your grandmother appreciates, whether easier for her to hold or easier to get a good fit. Grandma may have difficulty expressing why she likes a particular cup, both from finding the words and from embarrassment. In my opinion, your anger should be with your parents who are not adequately helping with Grandma's care.
If your grandmother (who at least has a reason for using cups) will not use anything except paper cups, I recommend purchasing packages of new cups for Grandma's use and discarding after a single use. It may be a non-conventional incontinence supply but in my mind that just what the cups would be. Try to get Grandma to wash her hands often or use some hand sanitizer when its not easy to get to a sink. With a dementia patient, you may need to place a large amount of sanitizer on your own hands, then transfer some to Grandma's hands and encourage her to copy you rubbing it over the hands. You may want to wipe down surfaces she touches (door knobs, light switches, walker hand holds, etc) daily with a Clorox or similar wipe daily. Wiping down surfaces using a washcloth with diluted white vinegar helps reduce smells too.
The fact that you live in a house where containers of human waste are left out and about is quite truthfully, disgusting. This is not normal and the people who tolerate this are enablers. If a repairman or other visitor comes into your home and sees this, I would not be surprised if your family was reported to APS. The fact that Grandma is disabled does not excuse this situation. There are many people on this forum, myself included, who caregive for people who are not only incontinent but also, like your grandparents, have mental issues. We handle it. We deal with the resistance of those we caregive for and do what we need to do to get them into diapers or use urinals/bedside commodes. We clean up messes and leaks and accidents and do not leave coffee or paper cups of human waste sitting around.
I very sincerely do not mean to sound harsh or unfeeling. However, I know that I have advised you to seek out the help of a school counselor or teacher. Apparently you have not.
Were it me, I would purchase latex gloves, trash bags and a bucket and dump any cups I found into the bucket and then into the toilet. Then I’d toss the cups and bleach wherever they’d been. I’d also make sure Grandma was clean and dry since urinating in a small cup while sitting in a wheelchair isn’t very easy. Her risk for urinary tract infections has to be sky high and the odor can’t be that great either.
I really hope you can find some intestinal fortitude to convince your family this is not acceptable.
I wish she could be encouraged to use one of those fraction pans - like a bedpan but smaller.
Do you think occupational therapy in your area could be ordered to come into the house for evaluation? Her PCP could write the order if he/she feels it would be beneficial for her. OT can give suggestions on how to work things out in the home to be safe and practical.
Good luck! This is a hard situation to cope with.