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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
This could be a dangerous thing to do with an old person, but it worked well with my 3-year-old daughter who asked me if there were monsters living under the bed. I told her that I had four monsters under contract for under-bed-duty but they are on strike for better pay. I gave them silly names that made her laugh, and told her they normally live in the basement during the day and come up at night. She knew that I was spinning a story and begged me to go down to the basement and offer them more money so they would sign a new contract. For WEEKS, I had to call them up to the bedroom at night by name, and ask the laggard to hurry.
My mother went through two Winter months with little sleep and the sleep that she did get was highly interrupted - about two hours per night in three minute sections. I discovered this after I took over her care when she was thought to be suffering from extreme dementia, which included paranoia and concern that "men living in the basement were taking furniture from the second bedroom and selling it." Loss via theft was a theme with her throughout her life, so her paranoia was an embroidery on this basic theme. I corrected the conditions that led to the sleeplessness within two days and then realized that she was also pushed over the edge into dimentia by taking Lunesta that she was prescribed to deal with her lack of sleep. (If you take a sleep aid, you must ensure that you do get sleep or mental problems ensue.) Now, three years later, my mother rarely strays from reality though her memory is not great.
Thank you for answering my question. My mother is extremely paranoid she has been my entire life and it has only gotten worse. I have humored her and it doesnt work she thinks I am against her. It is not a good idea to encourage this stuff it makes you seem like they can do this 24 hours a day and no one will change them until they are thrown into a nursing home suddenly. Her doctor does nothing he knows I already asked him.
Wow, this reminds me of my childhood, I don't know how old but before I started school. I thought there were people living in our walls because I could hear them at night. My mother assured me that people couldn't fit in the walls -- the space was very thin. But, darn it, I heard them. So I made up stories about what they were doing. Looking back I suspect there were mice in that house and I could hear them scurrying at night.
So I have an instinctive sympathy for your parent. In her mind there really are people in the walls, and no assurances from you will change her mind. Delusions about people being in the house (not necessarily in the walls) are very common in dementia. Delusions about people taking things are even more common. Usually it is the person with dementia who hides things to keep them safe from these intruders. Then they show up again when she finds them. None of this is deliberate deception. Hiding things makes sense if people come out of the walls to take things. But with dementia hiding things is soon forgotten.
None of this solves your problem, but at least you know you are not alone.
I'd first try to determine if there might be sounds that seem to come from the walls, and if so if there is anything you can do to quiet them. If you can't remove the sounds (it is the heating system going through its cycles, say) would you mother like to listen to some soothing music that would block out the wall sounds?
You say these are people who scare her and whom she doesn't like. Is this delusion distressing to her? If she is not particularly upset by it, maybe you can shrug it off and hope she moves on to a more pleasant delusion. But if this is really making her life miserable, consider getting rid of the people. Do you have a friend with a theatrical flare who can come in with a clipboard, a spray bottle of water, some special duck tape, and an ID from the Wall-dweller-riddance company? He can move furniture out from the walls, apply the special tape along the baseboards, spray a light mist of the special clear solution into corners and generally do what one does to rid walls of delusional people. Even if he is not successful and they come back your mother will at least be comforted that you are on her side and are trying to help.
Also, be sure her doctor knows that she is having these delusions. That can be very hard to treat, but her doctor may have some helpful suggestions.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So I have an instinctive sympathy for your parent. In her mind there really are people in the walls, and no assurances from you will change her mind. Delusions about people being in the house (not necessarily in the walls) are very common in dementia. Delusions about people taking things are even more common. Usually it is the person with dementia who hides things to keep them safe from these intruders. Then they show up again when she finds them. None of this is deliberate deception. Hiding things makes sense if people come out of the walls to take things. But with dementia hiding things is soon forgotten.
None of this solves your problem, but at least you know you are not alone.
I'd first try to determine if there might be sounds that seem to come from the walls, and if so if there is anything you can do to quiet them. If you can't remove the sounds (it is the heating system going through its cycles, say) would you mother like to listen to some soothing music that would block out the wall sounds?
You say these are people who scare her and whom she doesn't like. Is this delusion distressing to her? If she is not particularly upset by it, maybe you can shrug it off and hope she moves on to a more pleasant delusion. But if this is really making her life miserable, consider getting rid of the people. Do you have a friend with a theatrical flare who can come in with a clipboard, a spray bottle of water, some special duck tape, and an ID from the Wall-dweller-riddance company? He can move furniture out from the walls, apply the special tape along the baseboards, spray a light mist of the special clear solution into corners and generally do what one does to rid walls of delusional people. Even if he is not successful and they come back your mother will at least be comforted that you are on her side and are trying to help.
Also, be sure her doctor knows that she is having these delusions. That can be very hard to treat, but her doctor may have some helpful suggestions.