Hi,
You all have been so helpful I hoped to get your input on this. I was my dad's caregiver for 5 years he refused to hire anyone b/c he would have to pay them (state funds he gets) and not use it for other things so of course after working all day and taking care of him at night I burned out. My life has moved forward I'm married and live 2 hours away. Problem is he still is using me b/c he hasn't been able to find anyone he likes to hire. I've put up ads at the university, website, and he still only has his morning gal. He won't hire an agency b/c he was "screwed" by the last one. Plus with the state program he's in control of who he hires and fires but he loses part of the $ if he doesn't have anyone to pay. He glosses things over with his case worker. He hates being told what to do. he's 59 spinal cord injury lives in a rental. All I hear is how he needs exercise and his body hurts and yet he shoots my ideas down for physical therapy b/c they don't do anything for him. His van is falling apart but he gets a loan for $5000 (don't know how) and uses it to loan to his sister for a business venture. The other part of the problem is he pays for my brothers house that was his mom's who passed away and left it to my brother 3 girls and one on the way, but my brother can't get a mortgage b/c of his credit. My dad can't put in his name b/c he's on Medicaid. I told my father when I got engaged 2 years ago that he'd have to stop paying me - we are still doing this song and dance b/c he hasn't hired anyone- everyone either quits or doesn't show up - my brother still won't make the mortgage payment b/c he's mad at dad over things. My problem is I see it from my dads view and yet I don't like being in this position. My step son will be going to college next year and I'm concerned about my income amount. He can use his mom's income but i still don't like this position. My dad doesn't like to play by the rules and we had a strained relationship prior to this b/c of how he handles things. I know i'm being used and i don't like it. He tells me how greatful he is. He thinks its ok to buy guns and other things he never could when he was younger and didn't have $ but now he can't use them but wants them but can't buy them b/c there is a domestic abuse charge on him back when he was married to my mom, so he wants to use my name to buy the guns for him. I don't want to see him loose his funding but I don't want to get in trouble either. Suggestions?
I hope you can do this without resorting to calling his case worker, but do what you have to do and always keep that in mind as an option.
Aside from that issue, I agree with the others. "No" is a complete sentence. You have taught him over time that it's ok to use you. Now is the time to put your foot down and mean it. He is making bad financial decision (the loan for example) and it is not your problem to help him out of the hole he has dug. If he were a good father, willing to change his behavior, willing to work on his issues, willing to talk about change maybe I would say different but this is a no-brainer. You are still a good daugher, in fact you are a better daughter, when you say no.
Angel
If you want things to change you have to be the one to change.
Sorry.