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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I bet they do! Maybe just acknowledging their 'caged in ' feeling by talking to them would help. Explain that ALL of us are taking precautions and not living our lives to the fullest right now--that you understand.
My mother may be living at home with my brother's family, but she as lonely as she can be. She just wants to get out a couple days a week and play Bingo. I found that simply agreeing with her about how much this all stinks and playing along with her helps.
Shoot, I am going stir crazy and I can get in my car and drive all day long if I want. It's more the overarching knowledge that you're not 'free'. plus, the fear that keeps coming at us in waves--not mentally healthy.
I learned the hard way, we can WANT whatever we want, but in the end, we really have very little control. Esp those who are aging in facilities--they're stuck two ways--even if they wanted, they can't leave--they are in a NH for a reason.
Also, nothing to say that if you pulled them out of their current situation means when things return to our new normal--you probably couldn't get them in the same facility again. You want to deal with that?
Could your brother and his family play Bingo with your mother? There used to be a home version of it (but if there still is, it might be in a store that's not open now, but perhaps you could get it over the internet). This might not be as exciting as the "night out" but your mother might enjoy this.
My biggest mistake was to put my wife whom has Lowie body she got the virus and is now dyeing and is in hospice. I will never forgive my self for putting he in the Bristol assisted living. I have been married 54 years and am heart broken. Please don't put your love ones in assisted living homes until the legislate and governors passes laws to protect these poor human being.
We must speak out now and not let more of our wife's, husband's, family member die in these homes .
So sorry for you loss. God gives us memories to bring us comfort in our time of loss. 54 years of memories and remember the memories that bring warmth to your heart and strength to go another day. I agree protecting our loved ones is paramount.
Where do they plan on going? You might want to ask them this question. And talk out the logistics of the plan. Is your dad aware of the full impact of what is happening? They may not grasp the fact that no matter where they go they will feel "trapped"
If he says that they want to come stay with you..explain that that would not be possible and why. Is it possible that your dad is developing some dementia as well and he does not fully understand the why they are "trapped"?
My answer won’t be popular but I’d get them out. Plain and simple. Yes it may not be optimum but I’d hope my son would do the same for me. This pandemic is particularly brutal in NHs and ALs. It’s horrible; seniors have every right to be scared. That being said, I would not give up their spot - just get them out for a visit till the state has an all clear notice which hopefully is soon.
As a care coordinator at an eldercare law firm, let me say that I have no answer to this dilemma. At the outset of this pandemic, I was all in favor of keeping residents where they were in the facilities--where our people were comfortable, where they have an established day-to-day, where they feel at home, where they were well cared-for. The only exception in my mind was that of a woman who had moved into assisted living with her husband at the end of January, and her husband then died two weeks later. She had not had time to make a good adjustment, and her daughter took her into her home from the beginning of Covid. I felt this was a very good decision. The daughter is very capable, and dedicated, and she has a workable living space for an older person. The other of our clients have stayed in their facilities. At this writing, there are Covid cases at every single facility we have people. We have had six client deaths accredited to Covid. Currently we have 8 whose health is very compromised, not all because of Covid. We have had five people asymptomatic with Covid, but believe me, it is hard to figure who will go down with it, and who will remain standing. There seems to be no rules. The losses has been devastating to us, to say the least. If I had a parent at a facility, I would seriously consider taking them home. That being said, this would be a massive undertaking, and for many families this is not in any way feasible (often that is why their loved ones are in a facility in the first place). As I said at the outset, I have no answer. You have to weigh all the factors, do what you discern is best at any given time, and move forward knowing you did what you could with what you had. I wish you all the best.
Wish that I had the option of getting my mom out of her nursing facility during this pandemic. She is 95, with dementia, broken hip and on hoya lift needing 2 person transfer. Until yesterday she tested negative for covid..now situation is like a runaway train..we have no control and still unable to see her....Something is remiss in these facilities across the country, it is not being properly addressed by the government or media. Family members need to unite seek the T.R.U.T.H.(together rise until they hear) now!
Aren’t they in assisted living because their needs are too great to live on their on or with family care? There is risk where they are just as there is risk by them being out in the community, as there’s no foolproof plan in this for any of us. What’s the increased risk of other problems by leaving where they are and not having the help they currently receive?
In our case, if family were to remove the person from the Assisted Living for a visit, they don't want them back until they have quarantined for 14 days somewhere. And as you say, their needs are too great for them to live on their own or with family.
I liked Midkid58's response. I sometimes feel like I need to fix it for my Mother. But really with anyone - a great place to start with in responding is to acknowledge their feelings to let them know you get what they are saying. To understand that what they are feeling is a valid feeling even if you can't fix it.
My mom is in a rehabilitation/assisted living after coming out of the hospital for internal bleeding. She has multiple health problems CHF, COPD, and has now mostly lost her ability to walk. That's mostly due to inactivity due to pinched nerves in her back. In any case she was supposed to only be there until she could walk up the steps and come home. Physical therapy did not improve anything for her. Then this virus hit and I wasn't able to go see her anymore. She's been isolated in her room totally by herself day in and day out. She only sees the nurses when they bring her food or meds and do dressing changes for her legs. I decided to move to a downstairs apartment and am currently moving so I can bring her home. She is terribly lonely and doesn't even have another person to laugh with or talk to or watch tv with. The nurses are short staffed and very busy. They have also become stressed and moody towards my mom. I'm getting her out of there as fast as I can. I've been very careful to not be exposed to the covid-19 but cannot be tested. She understands the risks and is willing to take the chance just to come home.
This is a very tough situation for seniors. My physically fit 91 -year- old mother lives in a retirement village in New Zealand. I moved her into our home during lockdown because I was worried about covid transmission in aged care facilities. With 20/20 hindsight she would have felt and done better In her own little unit. Our house does not have flat access and she felt caged and miserable stuck in our house. The retirement village organised supermarket deliveries for all the seniors living there - at our home we struggled to meet the needs of her specialised diet and to get online deliveries. Our lockdown has mostly lifted, she is back home and much happier in her own environment. It is a very difficult time. Big hugs to families in other countries faced with these decisions.
Just know IF you take them out you will most likely upon returning them have them put into quarantine for at least 14 additional days and testing. Would that be worth it? Our AL facility will allow us to remove our parents but the repercussions are too costly. Quarantine, testing, disinfecting. Plus all the additional care we would incur. This is truly a no win. I feel they " the government" needs to lighten the restrictions. They cannot stay locked in forever. We are less than 6 months from the beginning of influenza season.... cold weather for some.... no bueno....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mother may be living at home with my brother's family, but she as lonely as she can be. She just wants to get out a couple days a week and play Bingo. I found that simply agreeing with her about how much this all stinks and playing along with her helps.
Shoot, I am going stir crazy and I can get in my car and drive all day long if I want. It's more the overarching knowledge that you're not 'free'. plus, the fear that keeps coming at us in waves--not mentally healthy.
I learned the hard way, we can WANT whatever we want, but in the end, we really have very little control. Esp those who are aging in facilities--they're stuck two ways--even if they wanted, they can't leave--they are in a NH for a reason.
Also, nothing to say that if you pulled them out of their current situation means when things return to our new normal--you probably couldn't get them in the same facility again. You want to deal with that?
We must speak out now and not let more of our wife's, husband's, family member die in these homes
.
You might want to ask them this question. And talk out the logistics of the plan. Is your dad aware of the full impact of what is happening?
They may not grasp the fact that no matter where they go they will feel "trapped"
If he says that they want to come stay with you..explain that that would not be possible and why.
Is it possible that your dad is developing some dementia as well and he does not fully understand the why they are "trapped"?
The other of our clients have stayed in their facilities. At this writing, there are Covid cases at every single facility we have people. We have had six client deaths accredited to Covid. Currently we have 8 whose health is very compromised, not all because of Covid. We have had five people asymptomatic with Covid, but believe me, it is hard to figure who will go down with it, and who will remain standing. There seems to be no rules.
The losses has been devastating to us, to say the least.
If I had a parent at a facility, I would seriously consider taking them home. That being said, this would be a massive undertaking, and for many families this is not in any way feasible (often that is why their loved ones are in a facility in the first place).
As I said at the outset, I have no answer. You have to weigh all the factors, do what you discern is best at any given time, and move forward knowing you did what you could with what you had. I wish you all the best.
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