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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mother-in-law got Sundowners in a nursing home, this normally sweet person who was unable to get out of bed on her own was in another patient's room smashing things with a cane. The facility sent her immediately to the hospital. She had been on sleeping medications, they took her off those that day and that was the last time she had a problem.
There was a dementia resident in an Emeritus facility here that did not get along with his roommate. Why they did not separate them is anybody's guess. But this man had threatened his roommate on a number of occasions. A week ago the roommate passed away following a brutal beating. So, yes they sometimes follow through on threats.
If your Mom is frightened and finds your Dad a threat, it is time for a facility to keep your Mom safe. She deserves quiet, nonstressful elder years!
The answer is yes, sometimes people with dementia will be violent. Even if they were a model boy scout pre-dementia.
A good geriatrician needs to evaluate for some other medical problem like infection, pain, conflicting meds, obvious things that can be concretely addressed.
A neurology consult needs to happen to figure out what's happening inside his head.
My mother became exceedingly combative, abusive, and mean as a snake. She was a fighter, biter, spitter, & hitter. She tried to beat me over the head with her cane. She hurt several people in the care center unit. She ended up in a geriatric psych unit for 5 days while they got her under control and figured out what her anti-psychotic dosages need to be.
I was lucky the better part of this decline happened while she was already in a facility. She tried to cane me in the head while we were going 70mph down the interstate because I needed to stop at a different store than planned.
Your sister needs to grab the bull by the horns by reaching out to a geriatrician and get the ball rolling to move him into a suitable facility. This can take time, and if he threatens her in the meantime, she can call 911, report this as domestic assault and explain to the officers he has dementia and needs to go to the hospital, not the jail. She does not need to live in fear for her safety. This is MORE important than trying to just maintain status quo and pretend it's not happening.
If the local hospital won't admit him because they don't have geri-psych beds, she can refuse to pick him up from discharge, and demand the social worker at the hospital find a placement for him. They can't just leave him on the sidewalk.
Regular psych units usually won't take dementia patients with psychiatric problems. These beds can be very hard to come by depending on where you are.
Wishing all of you the best. Please report back on how this is unfolding. There are a lot of very knowledgeable people here who literally have seen it all.
Okay, he's threatened to kill her. Meaning that he no longer recognizes her as someone who loves him and has his best interests at heart. He sees her as someone threatening. Maybe he won't kill her, just maim her.
The stress of this is KILLING HER. That much we can be certain if. Please help her get him placed.
Very good possibility he will attack her or the pink elephant he sees next to her. There is no room for error when this behavior appears. You call 911 and you have him admitted to the psych ward for evaluation.
I'm not sure if her husband is seeing a psychiatric nurse as part of his care but for my elderly mother who has dementia this is part of her care. When I told her my brother was uncomfortable with my mother's behavior she immediately hospitalized her and my mother spent a week in a unit while they started her on an anti-psychotic med. To be honest this should have been done much sooner but I resisted. Please have your sister call her husband's doctor right away and explain the situation. They will know what to do. And it might be best to have someone with her in the meantime. All the best to you.
If her husband has reached the stage of violence, he needs to be placed in a nursing home immedietely. Yes they will attack, not only property but people also. Find a good memory care unit or nursing home, and place him this week.
She needs to have his medications re-evaluated. There are lockdown units in hospitals that do that. They stay usually for a couple of weeks while the doctors try out different combinations. It can make a world of difference. She needs to tell his doctor as soon as possible and get that ball rolling.
Can she have a male aide or friend come in every day at about the time he's going through this and help her? Even someone different every day if necessary, just so she's not alone with him. A neighbor, a relative, a church acquaintance, anyone.
Also, you state that she has recently had to provide his care. Has someone else been providing his care? Could there be some help on that front?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your Mom is frightened and finds your Dad a threat, it is time for a facility to keep your Mom safe. She deserves quiet, nonstressful elder years!
A good geriatrician needs to evaluate for some other medical problem like infection, pain, conflicting meds, obvious things that can be concretely addressed.
A neurology consult needs to happen to figure out what's happening inside his head.
My mother became exceedingly combative, abusive, and mean as a snake. She was a fighter, biter, spitter, & hitter. She tried to beat me over the head with her cane. She hurt several people in the care center unit. She ended up in a geriatric psych unit for 5 days while they got her under control and figured out what her anti-psychotic dosages need to be.
I was lucky the better part of this decline happened while she was already in a facility. She tried to cane me in the head while we were going 70mph down the interstate because I needed to stop at a different store than planned.
Your sister needs to grab the bull by the horns by reaching out to a geriatrician and get the ball rolling to move him into a suitable facility. This can take time, and if he threatens her in the meantime, she can call 911, report this as domestic assault and explain to the officers he has dementia and needs to go to the hospital, not the jail. She does not need to live in fear for her safety. This is MORE important than trying to just maintain status quo and pretend it's not happening.
If the local hospital won't admit him because they don't have geri-psych beds, she can refuse to pick him up from discharge, and demand the social worker at the hospital find a placement for him. They can't just leave him on the sidewalk.
Regular psych units usually won't take dementia patients with psychiatric problems. These beds can be very hard to come by depending on where you are.
Wishing all of you the best. Please report back on how this is unfolding. There are a lot of very knowledgeable people here who literally have seen it all.
The stress of this is KILLING HER. That much we can be certain if. Please help her get him placed.
Can she have a male aide or friend come in every day at about the time he's going through this and help her? Even someone different every day if necessary, just so she's not alone with him. A neighbor, a relative, a church acquaintance, anyone.
Also, you state that she has recently had to provide his care. Has someone else been providing his care? Could there be some help on that front?