Please, “Take her to her doctor”, need not apply. Been there, done that.
Mind altering drugs??? She is already on 10/day.
Heart, blood clot, mood elevator, fluid, more heart, GERD, aspirin, Vitamins, ........
The nonstop questions of who is my boyfriend who comes in the middle of the night....whistles at me, where does he work......
It's no longer funny....it is so monotonous and annoying.
Getting up and rummaging through her drawers for stashed money.....which is not there.
My son gave it to her????
Never happened.
You cannot get through to them.
This is REAL dementia. And it is tough, exhausting.....
If she has been to doctors and nothing has lessened the agitation, anxiety there are 2 options.
1. You deal with it and live with it. If that is not possible then...
2. You place her in Memory Care.
Usually with dementia some of the obsessive behaviors dissipate, but as one leaves another "problem" often surfaces.
I had to keep a step ahead of my Husband, when he became fixated on something it was often hard to distract or redirect him. I spent 12 years keeping a step ahead!
I went through phases where I had to keep my car keys locked up so he would not take off. I had to lock a gate I had put on my porch so he would not walk away. I had to chain my furniture together so he could not take a chair and put it by the gate that I locked and use the chair to climb over the porch railing. I had to wear my keys around my neck for years so that I could easily open the doors that I kept locked so that he could not get out...and on and on...
You are right it is tough. It is exhausting.
Sometimes for the safety of all involved placing a loved one in a Memory Care facility is the best, safest course of action. Doing so is not a "failure" it is accepting that it is a safer option. (By safe I mean not just physical safety but mental and emotional safety.)
If such is the case then you need to bring in outside help because you're not coping anymore. This is no reflection on you personally, or how much you love your mom, or how good you are as a caregiver.
At some point everyone who is in the situation where they are the only caregiver to an elderly person will start to burn out and lose it. When the elderly person is needy and also has dementia, one person cannot handle all the caregiving alone. A situation like yours very quickly becomes high risk for elder abuse. Please consider bringing some hired help into the home.
In the meantime, learn how to ignore with kindness. You do not have to answer every question. You do not have to respond every time she repeats the same thing over and over. Sometimes you have to ignore her. The same as with a baby. Sometimes they just have to squawk for a while. It's good for them. If mom goes running in every time the baby fusses a little what will happen is that he will never be able to be alone even to sleep. This applies to elderly people with and without dementia too. If your mom is safe and not at risk of getting hurt, then ignore her sometimes.
Find some outside help too. Monotonous and annoying can very quickly turn into resentment and abuse.
You don't pose a specific question, but I want you to know that you are not alone. Many in this forum are experiencing what you are experiencing, and many have completed that caregiver journey and can certainly relate.
I wish you peace.
Well there are times when fiblets are called for when trying to keep them from harm - because the DR says it has to be this way.
The one that got me was when dad was upset because mom was out spending all their money and going out with her boyfriends. I was usually good with giving him answers about his delusional money issues, but not so good with mom answers, Mom recently told me that her answer to him was that he knew he was the only boyfriend she had. Yikes.
I was very lucky in that my parents moved to a CCC and I didn't have the day to day stress living with me. And I so sympathize with those of you who took your LOs into your homes or moved in with them to care for them.
When saying my prayers at bedtime I always try to remember all the caregivers and their LOs. Peace to all of you throughout the world.
It is tough and exhausting. It takes me away from everything that previously brought me joy. It has stolen years from my youngest daughters childhood. It has stolen my career and ruined any chance of saving money for retirement.
This is is my life too.
BUT.....there is hope out there. It may look like outside help coming in to give you a break, or it may look like having to place your loved one in the appropriate facility, where trained professionals now have the responsibility of her 24/7care.
That's a choice only you can make. You have to do what's not only best for your loved one, but for you as well.
It's hard, no ifs ands or buts, but I will tell you from personal experience, that once your loved one is gone, you will wish for just one more day with them, regardless of what you've been through with them. It's funny how that works, but it's true, so be kind to yourself and your loved one, as we never know what tomorrow will bring. God bless you and keep you.
The term when related to carrying can be ANY length of time. Some people can be caregivers and some cannot and that is ok. Some cannot manage a minute, few can manage many years. I did four years for mom with Alzheimer's and her husband with age related decline. It wasn't easy.
We all need to develop boundaries and determine when it is too detrimental to ourselves to continue. It is different for everyone. Only you can determine how much more you can take. Then make the appropriate arrangements.
The same lines and stories again and again. Straining those stories for wild flights of fancy that might mean a UTI or are nothing more than a new twist on the same story. Gating off the staircase for safety after finding her crawling up the stairs like some outsized spider and having to bring her back down, hitting and clawing and screaming. Keeping regular toileting trips to keep her safer from skin breakdown and infections. Gating off the kitchen area for safety after finding her rummaging through the kitchen waste can looking for God knows what, plus her walking over to me at the stove while cooking and attempting to put her hand on a hot burner just as something to lean on. Closing off the sun porch for safety to keep her from getting her hands caught in the old windows that she repeatedly opened up and slammed down, plus it stopped her from escaping through the outside door while I’m in the bathroom. Changing wet bedding and wet nightclothes every single day and the mounds of laundry. Scrubbing the floors daily with disinfectant cleaner as she took off her clothes and disposable underwear and walked through to the living room this way. Daily sponge baths and repeated redressing. Keeping her from eating items that weren’t food and making food that she found appetizing as her taste changed. She loved sweet tasting things, so I sprinkled sweetener sparingly on all foods to tempt her to eat. Taking her for walks in the yard until she couldn’t anymore. Then walking ‘round the house until she couldn’t anymore. Then helping her from bed to sofa until she couldn’t anymore. Then a hospice hospital bed in the living room, (with all of duties of bedridden care), so she could see the sunrises until she couldn’t anymore.
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