My step-dad bought his privately hired caregiver a used car, (because she has to take him to doctors out of town every few months and her vehicle was failing) and gave her $5,000. We have discussed this. I have spoken to her and she yelled at me saying that it was his idea, and the money is going towards her little girls education. At first he was going to be 10,000! Now, every time he discusses what he wants her to do, she blames it on me.
We now have a few other people coming in and she is not coming in 7 days a week. It started out to be just weekends, then went to 5 days a week, then she was dropping in every day. She started taking him to her church, he said he liked the breakfasts, she brings her daughters over.
We live in a small community, and access to caregivers is expensive and limited.
It all comes down to what he wants. He is 91, and mentally sound. I know he gets lonely and he likes her company.
My question is, should I report her, or just let her know that she will be fired if she accepts any more gifts?
As a woman, you already know what she's up to. Report her a__ and see what you can do to get the $5,000 back. All that "check with your daughter," etc. is just another divide & conquer tactic designed to drive a wedge between you and the old man because you're "cutting into her flow."
In the absence of public transportation if she doesn't have reliable wheels, she can't get there; but that's her problem. Besides, she can always call a cab. He could've bought himself a car that she can use to drive him around. Now she has two thanks to Sugar Daddy; who also gives her money "for her daughter" and treats her to restaurants.
A decent, self-respecting woman wouldn't take advantage of a man whose loneliness makes him overly generous. Then he'll more than likely feel stupid and used after she's done taking him to the cleaners. (Don't mean to sound heartless, but the 30-something neighbor next door is playing Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." His "Old Lady" dumped him again in her search for a "real" man that'll give her anything she wants. A man's home is his castle until the Queen arrives, and the poor guy didn't realize that high-maintenance, golddigging sk__k was playing the field and playing him like a fiddle . Their loud arguments always had to do with money, and he'd always give in. His money was her money, and her money was her money. That fool has been drinking to a stupor for over a week and slurring as he tries to sing along Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart" and croaking like a frog with Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love." ... Love makes you do silly things, doesn't it? They lived together 3 years, and it's going to take him at least another 3 to get over her. Unless he drinks himself to death. ... Idiot.)
Now, back to your Dad:
Since he's mentally sound, have a heart to heart chat and let him know how you feel. Give him lots of respect and the opportunity to articulate -- and defend -- his point of view. The art of being a woman is allowing the man to believe he's in charge and, as lord and master of his own life, he must have the willingness to take full responsibility for his actions -- and follies.
Good luck my friend, and keep us posted. These home-wrecking, self-serving vixens of mayhem need to be stopped.
-- ED
What that caregiver is doing is very unprofessional. Fire her. You do not owe her an explanation, but do what the others suggested and make sure she has not gotten into his money. If she had, file charges. If you don't, she will find another elder to take advantage of. I wish you luck with this situation, and pray you find another caregiver who is there for the right reason...
Whomever has his POA should check his bank accounts and credit report for theft and/or fraud. If it is warranted, place a "fraud alert" on his credit report. This would prevent anyone from taking out a loan or opening credit card accounts. If you suspect abuse, contact adult services and perhaps the police and file a report.
If this woman is belligerent to you when you call, it is a sure sign that she is trying to drive a wedge between you and your step-father for her own gain. In the future, instruct any paid caregiver that they are not to ask personal questions about your father's family, finances, or other sensitive information. They are not to accept excessive gifts and by doing so, their employment will be terminated.
If you cannot find help for your step-father in his home town, consider moving him closer to you in either a private apt. or ALF. It is better than letting him be taken advantage of in his home town where no one is monitoring the hired help.
good luck