Well, I started the process to remove myself as her guardian and will let her become a ward of state. I do not make this choice lightly and I do feel horrible about it, and I probably will live with this regret for the rest of my life.
My hopes when I made the choice to care for my mom was when the time came I could hold my head high knowing I did all I could. I get from the outside in I have done all I could but unfortunately I cannot shake the feeling I am essentially abandoning my mother to the throes of the system. I want to remain her advocate, but sadly I was told for as long as I have guardianship I will always be a viable option.
So essentially I will be asking for the courts permission to be removed. I need to get documents to prove I am not equipped to handle this responsibility anymore. I hate this system, and I wish I could burn it to the ground and start it anew.
Question for those that have gone through letting their loved one become a ward of the state, what steps did you take to make the transition as seemless as possible while also making sure they do a proper job advocating for your LO?
Wish I could say a huge burden has been lifted but I think I just traded one burden for another.
You do not need to be her advocate any longer - you have tried that and it hasn't worked at all.
PLEASE ... allow the state to take over ALL control.
If you stay involved, they will just keep harassing you. And you will remain in the constant state of stress that you currently have about this situation.
It a heartbreaking and distressing case, but you are the priority here - not your mom. She has had her life, and you need to have yours.
Hugs to you.
I have one question for you Rockhardplace which may be something to think about if you pursue "split guardianship". I had never heard of this option before of split guardianship.
You mention that you could possibly have control over your Mom, but give control of property over to the state.
My question would be - which role are you finding difficult to do, managing the property, managing your mom , or some of both?
Think about which aspect is straining you, as far as taking up time as well as psychologically. IF you give up just the managing of property and bank accounts, how much does that help you to take that role away?
If it goes anything like it did for my SFIL...you won't have to worry about a transition... they came into his home and took him away, we weren't notified or even there. Then, his accounts were locked down immediately (no warning). My MIL was still living in the house or they probably would have changed the lock on that as well. It might not be a "surprise" for you since you'll be resigning your authority in court. If your Mom still lives in her own home and you have anything that is yours in there, I'd get it out now. Not that the guardians are adversarial -- they are charged with protecting the person and acting in their best interests and they know that some family members may seem trustworthy but might not be.
If they put her in a facility that is too far away for you to visit, you can tell them this is a hardship for you and they might move her. They did this for my MIL, but then he was moved to a more urban facility and it was worse care. The first place was very nice but an hour drive.
Whenever we spoke to SFIL's guardian on the phone, there was always a supervisor also on the line, for accountability. Once he passed, they contacted us to know where to send his ashes. They also sent a detailed financial accounting of what every penny of his SS income was spent on.
You should practice having peace in your heart over this. You don't have the benefit of hindsight, so you have no idea how bad it would have gotten had you attempted to caregive for her "to the end". Trust the ones on this forum who did do that, and regretted it.
The doctors at the psychward do not want to push the dosages for the medications because they state the cons out way the pros. She appears to be one of those rare cases where putting them into a stupor may be for the best.
She cannot stay in the ED, and the socialworker is at a loss because her current placement refuses to take her back without the issue being under control.
Currently she has a sit with her and is doing well. They are pushing her to take her home. I have followed the advice and refused.
Do you have experience with split guardianship? My lawyer suggests that option so I can remain her advocate, since he claims that community guardian programs are not equipped to handle difficult clients. They are overworked and understaffed.
FWIW, my MIL won’t assign us POA (she is an only child and my husband is an only child). She thinks we will use it to steal her house and put her in a home.
I have come to see this as a gift- DH is a busy doctor so he can’t do it and I have my own issues so I can’t do it either.
I wish your family the best.
You then present those documents to the court. You can also let the court know that your knowledge is insufficient to manage your mother.
Once this is done you are done with managing her OR being her advocate and you return to being a son only. That is better for you both. You will have no say, so don't expect to be able to make any decisions ongoing about where she is placed, expenditures, how her care is managed and so on. If you get a good relationship with the fiduciary assigned that is for the best.
Glad you are doing this for yourself.
Which is why I am trying to figure out how to setup a good relationship since truth be told she will be a handful and even my lawyer said those types of cases don't get much attention.
His suggestion was petition for a shift in responsibilities and split the load have the state in charge of her property, and I in charge of the person. Since they strongly suggest I maintain some level of power so I can advocating for her. It appears community guardians are too many cases to do right by those in their charge.
Even this is far from an good solution but yeah lol. I hope with time I feel it wad the right thing to do.