I cared for my father for 4 years in my home until his death 2 months ago. he had suffered 3 strokes and had parkinson's but died from Liver cancer. (He was in and out of nursing homes but he lived with us the majority of the time.) My boyfriend of 7 years helped very little. He like dad but caretaking is not something he does well. During these 4 yrs our relationship got to be very strained due to the stress of caring for dad and we also had financial problems due to me not working outside the home. Dad did pay some but during his short stays at nursing homes I could not find a job and we had to struggle financially. My boyfriend is the type that when a bill comes in you pay it NOW.. Sometimes this was not an option because of my unemployment issues. He is also of the mindset that anybody can find a job in a day or so if they really try. he is a mechanic and has never had any trouble getting a job.. Anyway, he moved out last July and told me he wasn't in love with me anymore but he did still love me. We did maintain contact but had a misunderstanding and we no longer speak. I just wanted to know if the men in families where the wife (girlfriend) is the caretaker feel unloved, unimportant , things like that. I feel like that was a problem with us. Did anyone else's relationship fall apart because of the stress of caregiving?
The bottom line? Enter into the care giver role 24/7 and life is over. Done. Finished. There won't be any time for anything...or anybody...else and that's a fact. Keep reading. This site will tell you all you need to know.
I do feel bad for those that have insensitive spouses or significant others that don't want to pitch in. That also is not fair, you should step up and help in some fashion, absolutely.
The statement in your post that " my parents will not really care that much if our marriage was broken if they thought it mean more time with them caring for their needs." sounds like my MIL's outlook on both my marriage and on my SIL's marriage. She only misses her husband because he is not here to do something for him.
Such an outlook on life and the lives of others is pathetic and reflects someone who has grown old but has not grown up. People like that have never had healthy boundaries in their life and don't want anyone else to have them either.
Other than treating them as a fellow human being I really have a hard time respecting them because they are wise elderly people. I love being around wise elderly people, but not old kids who selfishly use people in their elderly years like they have their entire life.
Your boyfriend lost the best thing that most likely ever came, or ever will come, into his life. I mean this!!! You have an inner strength that you've acquired because you have coped with the slings and arrows of Outrageous Life's Fortune.
You are precious. He is clueless.
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