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Have a somewhat similar problem with my brother in California. He went into a rehab facility initially (which is also a skilled nursing facility). After finishing his rehab, there was no place for him to go that he could afford. Since he's on Medicaid, we applied for a state assisted living waiver; still waiting for approval. This would allow him to receive an extra allowance from the state but there are very few places to choose from.

He's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but refuses to take the appropriate medication. And without a comprehensive court order, he can't be forced to take the meds. He hates it there and complains all the time. He gives the staff a hard time so they don't want him there either. But state law doesn't allow the SNF to discharge him unless there's a safe place for him to go. 

My concerns are: 1) Assisted Living Facilities are barely regulated at all and certainly not like SNFs. They don't have to wait until another facility accepts him; 2) With his bi-polar disorder it makes him very difficult to get along with. I am told by the local ombudsman this is becoming a common problem with difficult seniors with mental health or personality issues.

I am extremely reluctant to agree to him going to an assisted living facility because of the lack of restrictions on them and none of these facilities (SNFs or ALFs) are prepared to really take care of someone with mental health issues and they won't approve him for a facility that takes dementia patients because he hasn't been diagnosed with that.

I don't really have an answer but my only advice is don't allow him to be moved until you have a good, safe place for him to go. Like my brother, it sounds like he wouldn't be happy anywhere. I totally understand your frustration. My prayers are with you.
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Wild31 May 2020
I am very sorry for your struggles with your brother. I hope a good placement works out.
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Imho, he may require a higher level of care.
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I too had the same problem with my Mother. What I did was to go and participate in activities she might like with her in the retirement home. Eat dinner with her. This way you can help engage them in meeting new friends who also live there. Make sure to also spend time with them as often as you can while they are in there. I hope this helps.
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Wild31 May 2020
Do to Covid they are in lockdown. It makes things very difficult.
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THAT is what their JOB is...Too bad. THAT is what. DAD is paying for. He is safer there unless you Find a Caregiver a thome, He cannot be left Alone.
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IsntEasy May 2020
If they can't properly take care of him, they are doing the responsible thing by asking the family to find a new place for him. If he's in an AL, it sounds like he needs a SNF or Memory Care.

I'd pressure that doc. Your dad is 88 with many health issues and it sounds like his anxiety is through the roof - 20 calls?! What is the doctor trying to accomplish by denying him the meds that may help him? If there won't be any side effects that affect quality of life, I'd push. Or, have the community's doc take him on as a patient.

I'd say ask the community if you can gown and mask up to go in an try to calm him, but even if you were successful, it wouldn't do any good longterm.
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Hello, Wild31 : ) Bless you and your family for all you're doing. I wish you strength during this time. I'm glad you're here for me and for sharing yourself and your struggles with us. May you know peace.
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Wild31 May 2020
Thank you
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My thoughts for this is that with my mother in law, I treated her like a second mother,she also said that she wanted to live her last days in her house. Perhaps he wants to do the same. There must be something you can do for him, maybe hire a nephew, niece, granddaughter,a social worker or someone you can trust. You all will be in our prayers that you get a solution for your dad quickly.
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That sounds a lot like Alzheimer’s.
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Is there a resolution for the possible UTI?
Can we have an update please?
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